April Foolishness
Today’s the big day: the day when you get to put in action that evilly genius plot you’ve masterminded over the last month to get your roommate back once and for all.
Steve Pappas Contests Bar Tab
Steve Pappas, former candidate for 3rd District supervisor, filed yet another lawsuit yesterday, claiming that his tab at the Old Town Tavern was not only incorrect, but fraudulent.
Chris Farley For Commencement?
Editor’s Note: This article and all others included in today’s print and online issue are falsely formed for the sole purpose of the Daily Nexus’ April Fools Issue and do not reflect any form of truth or reality. Yikes! Am I ever in rapture. I’m in a state of orgasmic symphony, and my inner bells […]
Drug Dealing
Vague rumors have been floating about for a few years, but they may have been recently confirmed: Evidence suggests that a former Russian crime boss known only as the “Muffin Man” has been playing – or possibly redshirting – on the UCSB men’s basketball team for multiple seasons.
Cigarette Scorches Bill’s Bus; Kills 682
At 1:34 a.m. last night, Bill’s Bus careened off the side of the road and burst into flames on the corner of Calle Real and Hollister Avenue. Six hundred and eighty-two UCSB students were pronounced dead at the scene.
Womyn Want Respect, Bitches
Editor’s Note: This article and all others included in today’s print and online issue are falsely formed for the sole purpose of the Daily Nexus’ April Fools Issue and do not reflect any form of truth or reality. Hi you, time to pay attention to me. Out of thousands and thousands of submissions, the Daily […]
International Cycling Club Brings Pro Racing to I.V.
Bust out the lube, because this Friday Isla Vista will play host to internationally-acclaimed cycling club Kroozer $kid Nation, who is visiting town as a new stop on their professional beach cruiser racing circuit. The event, evoking the memory of spirited rides through the mountains of France and Italy, has been dubbed the “Tour de Fuck”.
Local Band Plays DP
Following a live concert at a Del Playa residence over the weekend, local band members assured friends and roommates that their concert was “sweet.”
Construction Forces Famed Hobo Out
Editor’s Note: This article and all others included in today’s print and online issue are falsely formed for the sole purpose of the Daily Nexus’ April Fools Issue and do not reflect any form of truth or reality. Stop bitching about the construction you scumbags. You think having to spend an extra 30 seconds to […]
Rimjobs Set to Ravage Big West Basketball
In a shocking move to revamp the level of competition in Big West basketball, the conference has just added a 10th member school, appointing the upstart University of California, Richmond to balance out a nine-team conference that had been rumored as wanting another team for several years. Even more shocking is the mascot that Richmond has chosen as their representative, which resembles neither animal nor human in form.