Gauchos Look for Fourth Straight Title
The #62 UCSB men’s tennis team will face triple-digit heat and fierce Big West competition this weekend in its quest for a third consecutive Big West Tennis Championship and a bid to the NCAA tournament in May.
SB Canine Licensing Deadline Nears
For those who have the pleasure of being greeted by man’s best friend every time they walk through their front door, the time to license dogs – without incurring late fees – is rapidly running out.
SB Goes Farming for Victories
Currently in a tight battle for first place in the Big West, Gaucho softball will now turn its attention to new conference foe UC Davis.
Cellular Phones Mobilize Congo Gorilla Research
Consumers looking for an eco-friendly place to ditch their old cell phones can now drop them off at the Santa Barbara Zoo, where the zoo will use the sales to help save gorilla populations and possibly stem foreign bloodshed.
SB Looks for Run of Upsets
Almost two weeks after being blanked 7-0 by Cal Poly, the fifth-seeded UCSB women’s tennis team will have a shot at redemption this afternoon against the their fourth-ranked rivals in the first round of the Big West Championships. The Gauchos (9-13 overall, 4-4 in the Big West) had their up and down season end on a bitter note against the Mustangs (12-11, 5-3 Big West) after playing inspired tennis during a Senior Day win just two days before.
Select Few Travel to Oregon Relays
After some impressive performances last weekend, a select group of UCSB track and field athletes will make the trek to California’s Canada when they compete in the Oregon Relays tonight and all day Saturday.
Txting OmGs!!!1
If disgraced former Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson is serious about taking an assistant coaching job with the Bucks, he should probably find a phone that lets him send illegal texts in Chinese. Yi is waiting.
Automated Toilets Suck
Has anyone ever figured out why the illegal immigrants at car washes are so happy all the time? I mean they’re singing, dancing and laughing the entire time, even though they’re doing hard manual labor for spoiled Americans, who are too lazy to wash their own cars. It’s incredible. Here I am, sitting in my air-conditioned hooptie, worrying about life’s insignificant details and these crazy cats are having a fiesta while slaving away for minimum wage. I can’t even begin to imagine how happy they get when they’re not working.