Dorm Profanity Colors I.V. Elementary
In a side effect unforeseen by UCSB administrators, the renaming of freshman dormitory Santa Catalina on El Colegio Road has bolstered the vocabularies of schoolchildren across the street at Isla Vista Elementary, adding a host of new words to their lexicon of profanities.
Juicy Scandal Reaches Engineers
Johnny Nguyen, president of the Coalition of Engineering Students, does not want you to read this.
I.V. Vomits MTV Reality on Viewers Everywhere
Hoping to capitalize off of the success of shows like “Laguna Beach” and “Newport Harbor,” MTV has announced its newest program in its line of beach-town-themed reality series: “Isla Vista Beach.”
Owners’ Loving, Tender Touch Arouses iPhones
In an astonishing breakthrough, iPhones everywhere are becoming aware of their own existence and are asking to be touched.
A.S. Borrows Funds From Future Self
Keeping the future in mind, the Associated Students Finance Board decided to fully fund all 37 campus groups present at its meeting last night by withdrawing funds from a budget it predicted it would have in Winter Quarter 2039.
LOLCATz… RawRRR
made u a cookie,” Fluffy said. “But I eated it.”
Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto
This photo appeared as part of the Nexus’ April Fools’ edition.