Help! That Man Just Stole My Penis
According to Reuters – a reputable news outlet I might add – police in Congo arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink penises.
UCSB Swings to Fifth Place
After a season that saw flashes of potential from the Gaucho golf team, the Big West Tournament proved to be a disappointing affair. Coming in, UCSB was hoping to steal a victory at Tijeras Creek Golf Club in Rancho Santa Margarita and secure a birth into the regional playoffs. However, two lackluster days of golf resulted in a fifth-place finish out of eight teams.
Nicki’s Nifty News: Don’t Be Such a Douche
The other night, my friends and I were discussing the difference between a “douche” and a “tool” over a few margaritas. I don’t remember what the outcome was, not because I was blacked out, but because it’s one of those things that you can talk about for hours and not really figure out.
Inspectors Find Additional Leaks at Greka Oil Site
Adding to a list of incidents that includes over 200 oil spills and at least 500,000 gallons of crude oil leaked, Greka Energy Corporation added two more infractions to the tally this week.
Speaker Diversifies Argument on Islam
There has been much controversy lately on our campus. In lieu of recent events involving an ad taken out by David Horowitz and the numerous responses from supporters of the Muslim Student Association, we are fortunate to have world-renowned author and scholar Daniel Pipes come to UCSB.
NBA Western Conference Playoff Picks
As much as I hate them, the Lakers will easily wax the Nuggets before squeaking by a tough Jazz team that’ll have no problem with poor T-Mac and whoever he’s playing with.
I’ve Come to Reclaim Your Country On Behalf of Her Majesty, Queen of England
Last week I went to the movies. And there’s not a lot I like more than snacking on some sweet popcorn to go along with some action packed movie-ness. Except, you guys don’t do sweet popcorn. Can you guess how that makes me feel?
Yoga Yourself
People of all ages sit and stretch in a weekly bilingual yoga class at St. Michael’s University Church.
Scientific Evidence Debunks Fatty Fables
Whole, low-fat or nonfat? Which do you usually go for? Do you choose based on taste or health, or do you compromise? Best-selling author and nutrition expert Michael Pollan has deemed the low-fat craze to be the greatest failure in the history of American nutrition.
Nice Jammies
Does anyone else out there feel like Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay are dangerously close to throwing down? This should add some spice to the QB’s traditional NFL Draft Pajama Party.