Quick: Stop taking notes and start concentrating. Word association – go. What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word “porn”?

If you’re anything like how I used to be before I discovered the finer porn in life, the first image that comes to mind is a smoky room, populated with paunchy, velour-clad, middle-aged men engrossed in “Deep Throat,” trying not to touch themselves in front of each other. The second picture that would pop into your head is the typical angst-filled adolescent boy watching illegal channels and frantically tugging at his semilubricated shaft before his mom rings the dinner bell.

Now, when I think of the word “porn,” I no longer picture dirty men and desperate boys. Thanks to a friend with an affinity for the kinky, I am now in tune with the pleasant surprise of popping in a porno or opening a Penthouse that actually features sexy and sophisticated moves rather than freaky fellatio and lopsided breast implants.

I never knew about the educational and entertaining elements of porn before my housemate came home from the annual Las Vegas Porn Convention last Super Bowl Sunday bearing gifts. Our own personal Porno Claus waltzed in bearing a biographical video featuring a man who was too large to fit into a Magnum, a vibrating glove and a whole new outlook on life. As my roommates and I looted her goody bag, all thoughts of the Chicago Bears went right out the window – and as for the Indianapolis Colts, well, let’s just say that Peyton Manning could give a whole new meaning to the term “Fantasy Football.”

While the girls at the Super Bowl party ran into the other room to peruse “Womb Raider” and watch Buffy slay some vampires, the boys remained glued to the big game. If boys think about sex every four seconds, girls must think about it every 3.5 seconds – the times they are a-changin’. If the networks came to their senses and pay Janet Jackson to have a wardrobe malfunction during every halftime show, boys and girls will finally be able to experience the best of both worlds together.

With porn films like “Leave It to Beaver” and “Hairy Potter” – I hope the folks who come up with those clever double entendres were paid millions – playing on in the background, my girlfriends and I went to town. And despite what that sounds like, we did not go to town on each other. We may enjoy porn, but we don’t particularly like scissors. We dug deep into the Vegas suitcase and came up for air with hands full of dildos made of hard candy, Rabbit catalogs and ribbed Trojans – it really is for her pleasure. After an appropriate amount of time spent ogling the sex positions in the films, our self-esteem began to suffer… I mean, whose legs can really do that? We turned off the television to put our newfound skills to the test.

Luckily for one of my roommates, the game had just ended, and she dragged her hot hookup to her room to console him over the Bears’ loss. I’m sure some ladies – myself included – would have used the vibrating glove solely for selfish purposes, but she is a better person than I am. With a mouth on the penis, a glove-clad hand on the balls, a shaking bed and his piercing groans of pleasure, I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call a CSO. It only took him 10 minutes with a nasty girl and a vibrating glove, and… Chicago who?

In the next room, the rest of us were decorating our extra loft in a manner that would make any interior designer cringe. By that evening, there was a computer in the loft with YouPorn.com bookmarked, and magazine pages were plastered all over the ceiling. Nothing wakes a girl up like a photo of a porn star with cum outlining her mouth and a naked collage of Hugh Hefner’s “Girls Next Door.”

We dismantled the loft last spring, but not to worry. When it comes to porn, girls are the new boys. Surprise your man with some good vibrations when he least expects it, and you’ll be making love like a porn star in no time.

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