Do I Have to?
Why do professors even assign midterms during spring quarter? Thursday’s forecast: Academics are gradually becoming an unnecessary detriment to the ‘human’s bid to be drunk every night this quarter. I’m over you, midterms. At least the ‘human “deserves 100 virgins” when it dies of alcohol poisoning. Fuck yeah.
Hot Desert Action
There’s nothing like two days of nonstop stage-hopping in 95-degree heat to satiate the need for a good live show. Once again, the big money masterminds behind the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival spent their weekend pulling out all the stops and putting together what quite easily may have been the event’s most successful showing to date.
UC Research Receives Most Patents in Nation
Aside from the royalties and extra bragging rights, recent news that the University of California once again beat out other U.S. universities for the most patents in a year has UCSB researchers and students pushing for even more chances to license their ideas. Contributing to the 390 patents for the entire UC system, UCSB was awarded 38 new patents in 2005.
Know the Evils of Sexual Assault
By now you have seen the hundreds of blue shirts lining the bike paths. By now you have been to a workshop, listened to a speaker or “guessed the rapist.”
Yo Raja, Get Up
I think I’m probably the first sane person to say this – but maybe not to think it – but Ron Artest should have been considered a candidate for MVP.
Notes on Coachella 2006
Formed by outstretching one’s index and pinky fingers while curling the other three, metal horns – also referred to by your God-fearing grandmother as “devil horns” – used to symbolize a concertgoer’s enthusiasm for a particularly vehement moment of rocking. Where have all the horns gone?
SB Zoo Faces New Pachyderm Protection Plan
Elephants in the Santa Barbara Zoo may soon have to pack their trunks and move, pending an upcoming decision by the California State Legislature.
We Must Find a Way to Reduce Society’s Wastefulness
I think that, all things – especially the inhospitable poolside conditions on Venus – considered, Earth is a swell place to live. Some have even established organizations, programs and traditions to act as a buffer against the planet’s normal wear and tear. However, do they work as promised?
Yo GM’s, Wake Up
The NFL Draft is behind us, and with it, one of the most mind-boggling weekends in football since the Giants and Ravens made the Super Bowl way back when
The Wealthy Man’s Woodstock
“Hello, hippies,” Maynard James Keenan said as his circus-metal foursome Tool took the stage at Coachella Sunday night. During the last 90 minutes of the set, I spotted two shirtless men in jester hats and a woman screaming about nuclear war, made out with a woman with dreadlocks from Phoenix who kept talking about the various mushrooms she’d taken, and got pulled off my dance partner during Madonna’s set because a drunk woman in a bikini wanted to freak two guys at the same time.