San Nic Dicks and Paranoid Chicks: More Rants From a Freshman
This is something I hate more than anything else. I hate when, for example, I’m about to walk into San Nicolas Residence Hall, but before I go inside, I yell to a bunch of guys playing football on the lawn, “Hey throw me the ball.”
Locals Donate Funds for Film Center
A planned public theater on campus will be known as Pollock Theater in honor of a Santa Barbara family that contributed $2 million to the project.
Gays should marry men, not me
With all this hubbub about gay marriage, I feel like voicing my opinion. I, for one, wish gays could get married, if only so they’d stop marrying me.
U.C. biologists deem Comm. Majors better than old rats
Professors of biology Richard Star and Art Shandobil announced the unanimous results from an ethics meeting in which every invited UCSB professor declared future use of lab rats totally unsatisfactory. The Tuesday meeting lasted only 15 minutes but also yielded an alternative to the rats that all the attendees found acceptable – communication majors.
I.V. Theater Hopes “Big Fish” Will Rekindle Its Magic
A new film series sponsored by the university will debut this Friday night in an attempt to diminish Del Playa Drive crowds and revive Isla Vista Theater’s 70s “Magic Lantern” movie house heritage.
Treat my fun bags with respect
As a feminist, I am offended by any slang term referring to the female breast. Kindly never print the following words in your fine publication: titties, knockers, hooters, headlights, fun bags, jugs, meat balloons, yabbos, sweater cows, blouse bunnies, Dolly Partons, yum-yum dumplings and milk melons.
Womyn reclaim den of oppression
Editor’s Note: This article appeared as part of our April’s Fools issue. Once the site of barbaric and demeaning antics, the old Phi Gamma Delta (FIJI) fraternity house on Embarcadero del Norte now braces for a rebirth, a transformation into something new, something vibrant, something beautiful. This Sunday the house will be rechristened as the […]
MCC welcomes corn-fed panel for honkey-talk
An event at the MultiCultural Center on Wednesday gave voice to a culture that has long been drowned out by polka-and-cheese stereotypes: the American Midwest.
Leg Council meets to discuss pressing issues
The first Spring Quarter meeting of Associated Students Legislative Council began with a 30-minute discussion of what proactive initiative toward a positive dialogue would best educate the students and raise awareness about the proposed acquisition of a second office hamster.
The degradation of today’s generation
“Why are young people so insensitive?” asks longtime News-Piss reader Lammy Granville. Well, Lammy, probably something to do with budding, not-quite developed nervous systems. Oh wait, you meant socially.