“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”

I agree Mr. Franklin – wholeheartedly.

When the debate of beer vs. mixed drinks comes into play the odds are stacked too high in beer’s favor. Our forefathers celebrated the American Revolution by slamming down homemade beer from barrels out of colossal beer mugs that would make even Homer Simpson proud. They didn’t celebrate with cosmopolitans or screwdrivers. George Washington would turn over in his grave if he saw what kind of feminine mixed drinks are being passed around I.V.

Mixed drinks are too classy for Isla Vista. We may like to think that we’re high class, but I think we’re bottom-feeders. I mean, any school’s student newspaper that pays its employees to dedicate entire columns to shotgunning beer or sneaking cameras into the bedroom during sex, well, you can throw any hopes of us being a classy student population out the window. So let’s crack open that 30-pack of Pabst and embrace our lowlife, kickback mentality.

Our social scene warrants much more beer drinking than mixed-girl-juice.
I would rather have my condemned DP house fall into the ocean with me in it than have a martini at a barbecue. Can you shotgun rum and coke? Can you play beer pong with a gin and tonic? Can you play speed quarters with white Russians? The answer is no, the solution is beer – or, as I like to call it, the nectar of the gods.

Do yourselves a favor, stay away from those sugary mixed drinks. Go pick yourself up a case of cold brew, set up that beer pong table, fire up that grill and toast to the wonders that beer brings us.

Daily Nexus assistant opinion editor Sean Swaby is secretly intrigued by the idea of Jack Daniels pong.