So now Bush is all jazzed about landing us on Mars. Will someone please tell him that’s not where the candy bars come from?

You’ve got to admit the guy has a flair for the dramatic. Let’s bomb that place! Let’s go to that planet over there! Let’s see how many pretzels I can fit in my mouth!

But maybe his intentions are pure. Maybe Mars really needs us. After all, the number of available jobs on Mars is slightly lower than in the U.S.

Thursday’s forecast: “What? Men are from Mars; women are from Venus? I’ll be tied up and pissed on! Turn this sonuvabitchin’ ship toward Venus right now!” (The preceding quote is fictional. Any similarity to actual Texas-speak is coincidental.)