Ask Nostradamus! The Man with the Magick Mirror Has All the Answers
Dear Nostradamus, I am a lesbian and have come out to all my friends here at UCSB. Everyone seems pretty accepting, which has been great. I want to come out to my parents, but I’m afraid of how they will react. Do you have any suggestions?
Vampire Convention Brings A Blood-Letting Good Time
TRANSYLVANIA, Romania (AP) — The centennial International Blood Suckers Union (IBSU) vampire convention was held this past weekend to give the undead from all over Europe the chance to congregate and discuss issues of relevance to the vampire community.
Mead Fortifies A.S. Resolution
A.S. representatives officially declared their support for Scotland during a towne hall meeting last night, resulting in the first meeting marked by peace and quiet – the sort of peace and quiet that follows mass executions.
Beasts Devour Publicity
They have returned. After much worry and bad humours of the bile, the Santa Barbara Zoological Garden staff welcomed back their Grendels with great pomp and celebration and reopened the Grendel exhibit to the public Monday.
Druids Plan Monolithic Memorial
The Islavistingham Recreation and Park Druids met Monday night to approve and finalize the design for the proposed Stonehenge Park.The park was proposed last May as a monument to soldiers who lost their lives in the Crusades.
New Leader To Transmute ITA
he Institute for Theoretical Alchemy named Sir Steven of Giddinfield as its new director on Monday. Sir Steven will assume his post today with the portentous beginning of a new moon.
Sheriff To Begin Debtor Smackdowne
In an effort to improve safety and the Chancellor’s reputation for maintaining order, Sheriff of Islavistingham Crist‹o Madeira, pledged Monday to crack down on Knaves and Debtors in the seaside hamlet.
Longe Beache Burns in Hell
Smoke wedded with the usual lagoon stench this day as a testimony to the demise of the fierce Longe Beache Armada. On the cold black night of yesterday the crew team, in a valiant effort to protect the sanctity of Islavistingham, engulfed their own vessels in blazes of fire and cast them adrift in the lagoon waters.
Research Falls Flat, Earth Too
Editor’s Note: This story appeared as part of an April Fools issue. The geographers and cartographers of UCSB Fiefdom recently printed evidence that the Worlde is flat. The paper has been expected for over a year now, but the cartographers explained that etching the printing plates took longer than expected. Cartographer Keith Clarke explained the […]