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Wednesday Hump

“I’m Not a Slut, I Swear” and Other Bedroom Mantras

“Shit Girls Say” started an epidemic. I just watched “Shit People Say About Shit People Say Videos” for a solid minute and 39 seconds; yeah, it’s gotten to that point. But you know what they...
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Booty Texting: How to Send the Right Message

We’ve all been guilty of booty calling. Or maybe not, but your day of shame will come, young grasshopper. “Hey, what are you doing,” “Where are you?” “Wanna hang?” all sound innocent …...
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Don’t Chase Shots, Chase Jerseys: How to Land Yourself One

So listen, syllabus week is over. It’s time to get your shit together. No, I’m not talking about getting your books, stop that. Do you know me at all? No, it’s Christmas season round 2: winter s...
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Home Is Where the Heart Is, Not to Mention the Hassle-Free Lay

So now that you’ve gotten through the holidays, and hopefully entered into the New Year with a bang (hey, you deserve it!), it’s back to reality. And for some of us, thankfully, the lives we would...
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Exercise Logic: Work Hard Now for Easy Booty Later

I was in class last week reading a texting conversation over this guy’s shoulder (stop judging me) where he was trying to hang on to his fuck buddy here in I.V. while simultaneously texting his ex-g...
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Road (Construction A)head

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Even Expert Scoundrals Must Strategize to Maximize Booty

Sometimes getting laid isn’t the problem; the problem is answering the booty call. No, I’m not talking about the girls who fight with themselves about their morals at 2:30 in the morning: “I’m...
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Out-of-Towners: Are They Really All That Bad?

Well now that you’ve all had the glory of saying you hooked up with a French maid, a firefighter or a slutty version of Kate Middleton, it’s time to snap out of that Halloween daze and get back to...
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There’s No ‘I’ In Team; And It Really Doesn’t Matter What Team You’re Playing for Anyway

There are a lot of good things about threesomes. You get to find out what your friends are really like in bed, you can actually live out the experience you already lied to your friends about having an...
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Cosmo Tips: Tried and True, or Truly Terrifying?

In “Legally Blonde,” Elle Woods refers to Cosmo as “the Bible.” While Cosmo did give me step-by-step instructions on how to give my first blowie, I don’t think I’d quite put it up there ne...
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When Early Morning Stealth Fails, Awkwardness Prevails

If you haven’t had the sheer terror of waking up in a bed that’s not your own, with your first thought being, “I need to get the fuck out of here,” then you haven’t lived. No, I kid, I kid. ...
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The “Real World” Really Does Suck (And Not in That Way)

Four long years ago, I was a senior in college. I don’t remember much about that year (but that’s the subject of another column entirely—perhaps Memoirs of an Old Town Tavern Addict or Long Isla...
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Ignore Social Stigmas: Wear Your Number With Pride

Your number. No, not your phone number, your number. It’s not something you can touch or see. Materially, it doesn’t exist. But oh is it ever there. Haunting you, reminding you of the good, the ba...
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Cyber Stalking Sucks the Sexy Out of One-Night Stands

Remember the good ol’ days? A simpler time of land lines, missed connections and face-to-face breakups. When a drunken booty call came from the sound of pebbles ricocheting off your window and flirt...
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Love In The Light Ignites Passion And Illuminates Sexuality

Do you ever undress a hottie with your eyes and imagine what Shorty’d look like if she dropped ’em to the ground like she ain’t got manners? That does seem to be the goal doesn’t it — gettin...
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