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Say Farewell to IV’s Wild West Biking Days: Cyclists, Beware, New Bike Laws Aimed to Tame You and Your Two-Wheeled Steed

I was sitting around the other day thinking about random things. What would it taste like to spread a butterfly on toast? With all of the bobcats in the Los Padres Forest, wouldn’t it get confusing ...
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Sgt. Signa Straddles the Junction Between Memory Lane and Memory Loss

A version of this article appeared on page 8 of the April 1, 2013 print edition of the Daily Nexus.
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Jaywalking With Mary Jane: Sgt. Signa Checks in to Lay Down the Law … and the Chocolate Syrup

I am struggling with a conundrum, an enigma, a poser, a philosophical debate of epic proportions, the like of which has never faced mankind before this moment. The debacle of choosing a path that coul...
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Gaming with the Sergeant: You Too Can Respond to the Call of Duty

  Hello to everyone! I’m not sure how I feel about the fact my last article was one of my more complimented ones. I really must have hit a chord with the declaration that I am a jerk. Apparentl...
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Sergeant Signa Is A Jerk. …And Other Information Any Card-Carrying Isla Vistan Should Know

Yes, I know it is hard to believe, but I am a jerk. Actually, it should be another more descriptive word, but this is a family-friendly newspaper. Well, except for on Wednesdays. By the way, the Opini...
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Still Trying To Piece Together Your Hazy Halloween Weekend? Sgt. Signa Is Back to Answer All Your Post-Party Questions

Hello again! I am glad to see almost everyone made it through Halloween pretty well. I had the opportunity to talk to several people who had a few difficulties, but most of the students I spoke to see...
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Halloween Weekend in IV: Sgt. Signa’s Survival Guide to the Upcoming Out-of-Towner Apocalypse

It’s Halloween already here at UCSB! It seems like we just started the school year a month ago and it’s already that time for the annual hunt through the local thrift stores for the greatest in 19...
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What To Do When The Man Sticks It Back To You: Sgt. Signa’s Notes On Looking Legal in I.V. and Other Mishaps in Civil Disobedience

It’s now time for the second Question Authority article of the year. This one always makes me feel like I’m back in third grade and Ms. Dinklemeyer (Note: Not her real name. Name has been changed ...
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The Low Down On Not Getting Locked Down and Other Advice from Sgt. Signa

Hello all and welcome to a brand-spanking new year at UCSB! For many of you this is the first year of a four-year-long adventure that will encapsulate some of the best memories of your life. There wil...
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When Pride Fails Us: Sage Advice From Sergeant Signa

Pride can be an amazing thing. Many of us have pride in our country, pride in our children or parents, pride in the high score at Donkey Kong. Frankly, there are a lot of things to be proud of. I look...
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Lock Your Doors: There’s No Better Way to Avoid Getting Robbed

I have to completely admit I have it easy. As I sit here on my bully pulpit, soap box, pedestal, mount or what ever raised platform you prefer, I espouse my mighty edicts of wisdom on the masses. Hurl...
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To Press Charges, or Not to Press Charges: That is the Question

A couple of nights ago I was watching the movie “Spider-Man 2” with my son in my lap. It’s one of those relaxing moments that define your purpose in life. Some of you who have kids will know tha...
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Writing Tickets: It’s Not Fun, But It Does Fall Under the Job Description

A frequent question I get asked in various connotations is simply, “Do you like your job?” At a glance it’s an easy question to answer, but when put in context with when and by whom it’s asked...
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Why You Should Trust the Cops Over the Door-to-Door Salesman

It’s a natural instinct to trust people. And I don’t mean the Kaa staring into Mowgli with those googly eyes singing, “Trusssst in me … ” kind of trust. Frankly, as a kid, that just freaked ...
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Don’t Fake ID Your Way to a Fine

Happy New Year! To start off this year I have a host of new resolutions that I am going to work on. Of course my wife was kind enough to point out that by the time the clock struck 12, I had already b...
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