Q. When you see a sign that says that speed limits are enforced by aircraft, how does that actually work?

A: In my dreams it means that I get to fly in giant mech suits, patrolling the skies to make America safer! Go Voltron! Then I wake up, get back on my bicycle and start yelling at people to walk their bikes. Is it a wonder that I like to sleep so much?

In reality, or as I like to call it, “the not as fun place,” the CHP or other police agencies sometimes use small planes to patrol busy highways. This gives them the advantage of having a good view of a large section of highway. They can also see those cars that are speeding faster than the others. What they can do is then follow along the highway and pace the car using roadway markings that are painted specific distances apart. They time the car and determine how fast the car is going and then radio a waiting patrol car down below.

So how often is this used? I can’t say exactly how frequently other agencies use this. Even though it’s nice being able to go after those annoying drivers who are speeding and cutting in and out of the lanes, it’s not the most cost effective way to enforce traffic laws. It is more likely to be used in specific problem areas that have a higher traffic accident problem. So next time you see a helicopter hovering over Del Playa, slow down!

Q. Our neighbors call the cops on us for playing music even when it’s quiet. What can we do to get them to stop?

A: Have you tried asking them over for dinner? Seriously, try getting to know them. It sounds silly, but if you befriend your neighbors, maybe they will call you if the music is too loud instead of calling the cops. Often the reason people call the police on their neighbors is that they don’t know them. For all they know, you and your roommates are drunk, coked up meth dealers who are blasting Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train” to hide the screams of the competing dealers being tortured in your bathrooms. They show up to ask you to turn down the music, and you go all Scarface on them!

Okay, a bit extreme, but think of it this way: If you are studying for a final and a neighbor is having a party blasting music, how comfortable would you be going into a crowd of a hundred drunk people who are rocking out and telling them to be quiet? Or even if it’s just a few people, it’s still intimidating if they don’t know you. I’m paid to do that and there are times I just close my eyes and think of a nice happy place before jumping in. Mmmmm …. happy place … ohhh Sofia those BBQ ribs look so good …

Uh? Wha? Oh sorry. I’m back. Another idea is that if you are going to have a party, pass a flyer out to the neighbors with a phone number for one of the roommates to call if it gets too loud. That way you can keep the police out of it in the future.

Then again, there are some neighbors who just don’t like any noise. I’m sorry to say there is not much you can do about that. They have the right to complain to the police whenever they want. We will show up and try to work it out and find a balance. But if they insist on filing a complaint, we are required to respond to it. If you end up getting a ticket, go to court and explain the circumstances and what steps you have been taking to work out a reasonable balance between the neighbors’ peace and your enjoyment of a little afternoon Black Sabbath!

Well it’s almost the end of the school year, and I have been really enjoying the opportunity to talk with all of you this year. I encourage all of you to continue making the best of your years in college and remember that it is going to be some of the best times of your life. And at the same time be careful and watch out for each other. Stay safe and always continue to Question Authority! Meanwhile, back to Sofia, BBQ ribs, Kona Brewing beer and a very special happy place for me …

Sgt. Signa has a dream.

Got caught by a cop? Your party popped by the Po-Po? Ticked by a ticket? If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you, Question Authority! Email me anytime at: QA@police.ucsb.edu or call UCSB PD at 893-3446.

A version of this article appeared on page 8 of the May 20, 2013 print edition of the Nexus.

Views expressed on the Opinion page do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Nexus or UCSB. Opinions are submitted primarily by students.

I fret about it for weeks ahead of time, prep and re-prep a PowerPoint presentation with lots of clowns being arrested to distract from the nervous chatter I’m spewing, and what happens? Ten minutes in and the questions start. Before I know it, two hours have passed, and the instructor is throwing erasers at my head in an attempt to make me shut up.

The point I’m making is that we all have fears.  Some are rational and some not so rational. My fear of falling into the sarlacc pit? Not rational. The fear of being called a dork for being afraid of falling into the sarlacc pit? Rational. But regardless of your fears, rational or irrational as they may be, sometimes it pays to ask if you are nervous about doing something for a reason. You might find that the consequences are pretty hefty.

Is it illegal to give your friend a prescription pill like Adderall?

Not always! I know many are shocked to hear that, but it’s true! Of course you need to first attend medical school for four years after getting your bachelor’s degree and then another three years of residency. Then, after a proper medical examination, you can prescribe the pill. See? Easy.

There is the little issue, however, if you skip any of the steps I’ve outlined above, which could result in your committing a felony for supplying drugs. Even if it seems like one Adderall pill is not dangerous, there is a reason doctors are required to go through all of that training before they begin doling out meds.

The same drug can affect people differently, and without knowing a person’s medical background, you don’t know if they could have a bad reaction to any one pill. And, in brief, if you give them a pill and for whatever reason they do not tolerate that drug, you are responsible. If they die from anything you gave them, you can also be charged with manslaughter. Not cool…

What’s the easiest way to get out of a ticket?

Umm, don’t speed? I am resisting the urge to say drive faster than the cop, but I think that would be considered bad advice and my chief would probably re-assign me to kitchen dumpster guard duty.  However, if you do get pulled over, the best advice I can give you is simply to be honest. If you get pulled over, odds are you are going to get a ticket unless you whip out that silver tongue of yours and do a dance that convinces the cop otherwise.

Then again, if I pulled you over and you pulled out a silver-plated human tongue and jumped out of your car to start doing your own rendition of the famed Celtic Riverdance, I would likely forget about the ticket and haul you in for a psych eval. Sure, three days in a mental ward, but no ticket!

Again, the best advice I can give you is to be polite and truthful with the police. We pulled you over because we saw something that concerned us. If you argue with a cop or tell him/her that they left their dignity at Dunkin’ Donuts, you’re going to get the ticket.  For me, if someone is honest, apologetic and able to recognize what they did as a violation, I am much more likely to give that person a break and not write a ticket. And really, do you not think I wouldn’t go back to find that box of donuts in the road you swerved across two lanes to avoid? As if.

If the speed limit is 65 mph how much faster can I go? (Without fear of being ticketed?)

On the freeway, the speed limit is posted at 65 MPH and per the vehicle code, going 66 MPH is a violation, and you could get stopped and cited. However, to be honest, when I was five, the dead frog my brother found in his bed was not put there by Bigfoot, but by me. Okay, nothing to do with speeding, but while we are being candid here, I wanted to get that off my chest.

Generally, if I am on the freeway, I wouldn’t consider pulling someone over unless they were going 75 MPH. But that’s me. Every cop has their own idea as to what they will pull someone over for. Some may pull you over at 70 MPH. Some may not pull you over unless you’re going 80. You just never know who’s behind you and what their thought process is. If you’re going 70, you’ll probably be fine. Then again, the cop behind you might be a big Riverdance fan.

It’s already May and the school year is quickly coming to a close. The pressure is on with finals happening soon, so good luck to you all. Take it easy, and if you run into any problems, please don’t hesitate to ask me for help. I am always happy to do what I can for you. Take care and stay safe!

Sgt. Signa is no stranger to kitchen dumpster guard duty. Someone has to keep Mr. Albino Raccoon in check.

Got caught by a cop?  Your party popped by the Po-Po?  Ticked by a ticket?  If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you, Question Authority! Email me anytime at QA@police.ucsb.edu or call UCSB PD at 893-3446.

Views expressed on the Opinion page do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Nexus or UCSB. Opinions are submitted primarily by students.

A version of this article appeared on page 8 of the May 6, 2013 print edition of the Nexus.

Sure, I realize that I have gotten older and should be sitting wrapped up in a shawl sipping a cup of Metamucil, gumming a nice bowl of Jell-O while watching Lawrence Welk or a thrilling episode of “Murder She Wrote” (for those of you not familiar with that reference … shut up). The truth is that I refuse to grow up. Growing up is for suckers.

I’m not saying I still get my clothes at the local Baby Gap or that I try to be one of those “cool” old folks that seem to think circus clothes are hip. But I look forward to new episodes of “Family Guy” each week, the new PS4, Xbox 720, “Avengers 2” and the release of the new and improved version of Just For Men hair dye. Wait! Where did all that grey come from? Crap….

Q. I just got a beer ticket. I am 18 years old and wonder if my parents will be told about it?

Although any arrest or citation written by the police is considered a public record, we won’t post your face on a billboard or call a press conference to announce the issuing of a beer ticket. So your parents won’t get a call or telegraph from us. However, and here it comes, contrary to popular belief, we older folks are not as dumb as some think. Eventually we tend to find these things out. If you’re a UCSB student, minor drug or alcohol violations result in a letter from the school to your home in an effort to encourage parents’ awareness of potential drug or alcohol issues that could affect their child’s performance in school.

But other than UCSB’s policy on parental notification, your ticket will be just between you, the cops and the general public. When I talk to someone who gets a ticket, I do encourage them to tell their parents before they find out when you are driving them around, get pulled over for a tail light out, and the cop asks for the license you currently don’t have. And as a parent myself, I highly recommend you tell mom or dad. Sure we’ll be disappointed, but even though I never believed it when I was younger, parents are a lot less upset when you come to them first. Yikes, I sound like my dad …

Q. But when I got arrested for drunk in public, the cop asked for my parents’ address and phone number as well as where I worked and the phone number for them. Are they going to rat me out?

No! It’s true that rats and I both appreciate the greatness of cheese, but that info is not used to rat you out. If you’re 18 or older, we won’t ask for your parents’ contact info. We will ask for an emergency contact name and number, which does not have to be mom or dad. It can be a family member, friend, roommate, local transient or Bob the Builder. The person you choose is up to you. This info is only used if something happens at the jail and you are sick or injured. That way you can get help from the people you know.

As for the work info, that also is not used against you as an opportunity for us to embarrass you or get you fired. Instead, that information is used to show that you have some stable ties to the community. Although if you’re arrested for drunk in public or other minor crimes, you will certainly be released fairly quickly. Other more serious crimes may result in your being held in jail until you pay the bail or go to court a couple days later.

For example, if you are arrested for fighting or battery, the jail staff will review your arrest and booking paperwork. They make a determination on whether they feel you are likely to flee to Canada or stay and take care of the violation. If your only ID is a Sri Lankan passport, you listed your address as being in the Czech Republic and your work info indicates your employer is Flee Fast Now based out of North Korea, it’s doubtful they would think you would make it to your court date. But if you have a local mailing address, go to a local school or have a local job, odds are they trust you have ties to the area and would be more likely to show up in court.

Well I hate to run, or shamble with these bad hips, but I am writing this from the Flamingo Hotel in Vegas, and it’s time for the Wayne Newton show to start. Err, I mean the Prince concert. Yeah. Prince. He’s still hip, right? Oh well, anyway, have a great week and stay safe. If you need help or have any questions at all, let me do what I can to help. Just Question Authority at QA@Police.UCSB.Edu or call me at (805) 893-3446 and I will do what ever I can for you. Take care.

Sergeant Signa: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas … unless you write your column from there. Cheers, Siggy!

A version of this article appeared on page 12 of the Monday, April 22, 2013 print edition of the Nexus.

Bike collisions, be they with people, cars, other bikes, or even the occasional loose cattle has become an all-too-common problem in I.V. In the 20 years I’ve been here, the number of bikes seems to be growing, and the number of accidents is growing right along with it. Last year. the California Highway Patrol investigated 91 traffic collisions in Isla Vista. Seventeen of those were caused by bicyclists who were riding unsafely. On the UCSB campus, we investigated 18 injury bike accidents during Fall Quarter alone, and those are just the accidents that get reported. If there is any good news to take from these statistics, I am glad at least none of the accidents of late have involved loose cattle.

At UCSB, the Associated Students Bike Committee works hard on trying to improve the safety of the limited bike paths available. The Police Department has created a bike safety program that combines aggressive enforcement in dangerous areas with safety education classes instead of the nearly $200 fines the court charges for unruly biking. This has helped some, but we still have a long way to go with bike safety on campus. Isla Vista is like the Wild West, only with bikes instead of horses. No rules, cowboys and girls and curse them sheepherders!

The CHP has been working with A.S. B.I.K.E.S. on ways of improving biking safety in Isla Vista. The goal is to create a positive educational atmosphere instead of just going out and writing hundreds or thousands of tickets for running stop signs. If there is one thing that I know from experience, no matter how many happy faces I draw on a ticket, it still sucks.

The CHP, A.S. B.I.K.E.S. and UCSB Police will be kicking off their efforts with a bike safety event on Pardall Road near the entrance to UCSB. They are calling it “Brighten Up Isla Vista!” Apparently they didn’t like my idea to call it “Brighten Up the Town!” so they’re going with BUIV, which will be held on Wednesday, April 10 from 12 p.m. to 3 p.m. In addition to booths that provide safety information, the UCSB mascot Olé and the CHP mascot Chipper will be handing out free bike lights! Yes, free! Give them a dollar, and you get a dollar back in change! The goal is to get people in the habit of using lights at night, reducing accidents and making Isla Vista a safer place to bike.

Call me Kreskin, but I can already guess what your question is going to be: Are they going to be writing tickets in Isla Vista? Not for a while yet but, yup, in a month or two, law enforcement will be starting to write tickets. Sadly that tends also to be an a major factor in encouraging people to ride their bikes more safely as well. For now, the main focus is going to be on education and inspiring safer biking. The worst part about getting a bike ticket in Isla Vista is that it won’t be eligible for the UCSB Bike Safety class. Hopefully those tickets will eventually be allowed to participate in the Bike Safety class. For now, since bikes are required to follow the same traffic laws as cars in Isla Vista, they will get the same ticket as a car. The fines can be brutal too. Figure about $200 for a stop sign or $500 for going through a stop light. Just think how you could have spent that money to go see a movie and get some popcorn. Well, these days, maybe a small popcorn.

I hope to see you all there at the “Brighten Up Isla Vista” event on Pardall Road on Wednesday, April 10 from noon till 3 p.m.! Take advantage of this opportunity to get a free bike light and other cool stuff. In the meantime, if you have questions about biking safety in Isla Vista or at UCSB, you can call Suzanne Perkin at the Dean of Students Office (893-4364) or CHP Officer James Richard (967-1234). And of course you can always question authority at QA@police.ucsb.edu.

Take care and ride safely!

Sgt. Signa knows that safety is inseparable with style … that’s why he glued a cowboy hat to the top of his bike helmet.

Got caught by a cop? Your party popped by the Po-Po? Ticked by a ticket? If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you — Question Authority! Email me anytime at QA@police.ucsb.edu or call the UCSB Police Dept. at 893-3446.

A version of this article appeared on page 8 of the Monday, April 8, 2013 print edition of the Nexus.

A few weeks ago I had the chance to introduce my kids to my favorite TV show growing up. They knew Batman from the comics and some of the movies, but this was the chance to see the funny Batman TV show I loved. I popped it up on the screen and we began a trip down memory lane. It took about five minutes of watching “Bam!” and “Whack!” pop up with the cheesy dialogue before I began thinking how cheesy and dumb this was. I looked over at my kids and realized it took them about one minute to realize Dad watched a lot of crap as a kid. Sadly, some memories are better off left as memories. Pop in a retro copy of any Atari 2600 game after having played on a PS3 or Xbox 360, and you’ll realize how slow and clunky the graphics were. You really had to fill in a lot with your imagination. Yeah, imagination. How old school…

Q: What do I do if I find someone’s wallet or ID? Where can I take it so they can get it back?

A: It’s amazing when you look around how much stuff you find just laying here and there. Keys, wallets, IDs, used gum. It seems like there is so much of it you can’t help but step on it as you walk along. Usually it’s the used gum, but the other stuff’s there too.

We’ve all lost things. We all know what a major pain it is to realize that you can’t find your wallet or keys. That panicked feeling that you might have dropped it somewhere and it’s currently either floating out to sea or in the hands of those Nigerian email scammers. I love the look of relief people get when I am able to get them their things back. But if you find the wallet what do you do with it?

When you find property, you have lots of options. The best place to turn it in is at either the UCSB Police station or the Isla Vista Foot Patrol office. When we get items that can be traced back to the owner, we make every effort to contact them and get it back as soon as possible. The UCSB Police Dept. has a dedicated Lost and Found department that logs all of the found property on campus and if the owner can’t be tracked down, they hold it hoping someone calls looking for it. You can either call them at 893-3843 or email them at lost.found@police.ucsb.edu. The I.V. Foot Patrol can be reached at 681-4179.

If you can’t drop it off at either the Foot Patrol or Police Dept., any police officer or deputy will take it for you and turn it in. If you are on campus you can go to any building and give it to a staff member. Most buildings have a lost and found collection that is picked up on a regular basis and taken to the Police Dept. Lost and Found.

Lastly, I must add that although I do appreciate the effort, just because you see me wandering around and appearing lost, don’t try to drop me off at the Lost and Found. I usually am just lost in thought and will eventually find my way back from crazy town.

Q: When at a stop light, I know that you are allowed to make a right turn on a red light, but are you allowed to if there is a red right arrow?

A: In California the traffic law is written that when safe to do so, after stopping (yes, you still have to stop!), you can make a right turn at a red light. However, some intersections also have a red arrow light. At those intersections, it was determined by people a lot smarter than me at CalTrans that it is unsafe to make the turn while the red light is on, so a red arrow light indicates the right turn cannot be made until you have a green light. Something about running over pedestrians being a bad thing…

Have an incredible week and don’t forget to Question Authority whenever you can! Well, I am off to another day at work while my family takes off for a few days at Disneyland. Lucky them. I told my kids to make sure they get on the Dumbo ride. I remember as a kid that ride being the ultimate fun time and zipping up and down and around. It’s just as good as Tatsu, the Ninja and X2 at Six Flags, if I remember right…

Sgt. Mark Signa has the memory of an elephant. That’s why he also responds to the nickname Deputy Dumbo.

Got caught by a cop? Your party popped by the Po-Po? Ticked by a ticket? If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you, Question Authority! Email me anytime at: QA@police.ucsb.edu or call the UCSB Police Dept. at 893-3446.

Wait, there’s chocolate syrup? No one told me we had chocolate sauce. That changes everything. Hell yeah, I’ll pick a bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup over a five-mile run anytime. I don’t have to live in Plato’s Cave for a year to make that choice.

Q: At a recent concert, I saw a kid being arrested for possession of a small amount of marijuana. Are the cops focused on enforcing the “letter of the law” or serving the community?

A: Like everyone, cops have choices. The fact that we have choices is not in question, but rather how we establish the framework around our decisions. Sometimes the choices are easy and take little thought, like the “should I pick the jelly-filled or chocolate doughnut?” dilemma. Other choices are based on how we grew up and the moral and ethical codes we have been taught by our family, society and the limitations of the world around us. (“Should I have two doughnuts, or am I getting too fat?”).

I can’t say for sure what was on the officer’s mind when he made the choice to arrest someone. I can comment on the limitations of the circumstances such as the fact that we don’t physically arrest for just small amounts of marijuana anymore. Unless there is more to it, the most that will happen is the person is given a ticket, and the marijuana is seized. If you saw him getting arrested, there is probably more to the story; maybe he snuck in, or maybe he was escorted out for violating concert rules.

Whatever happened, the officer is given a choice of how to handle the situation. Of course the choice is framed by the rules of the event, the laws of the state and the awareness that his boss might be watching, but it is still his choice to make. Many people think of cops as mindless ticket-writing machines that look to bust anyone for anything at any moment. I admit there are a few of us out there who lean in that direction. We all have our own ethical and moral philosophies, and none of them are exactly the same. Some officers cite everyone for marijuana violations. Some officers seize the marijuana and give the person a warning. Others may find a middle ground of seizing it and reporting it as a violation of campus rules. No one way or answer is correct. We all know the “letter of the law” says marijuana is illegal without a medical card. The “spirit of the law” determines how we choose to apply it. My job as a supervisor is to make sure that the officer uses good judgment based on not only the application of the law as it was written, but also its application in a fair and ethical manner, directed toward the needs of the community in question.

I think most would be surprised to find out that for every person they’ve seen arrested, there are probably a dozen more that were warned or given other options. Sure, there are times we are strict about enforcing the rules or laws, but every time we apply it, we need to think about how we do it or even if we should. Although these decisions are often made in a moment, they’re rarely easy. And we have to be honest that we don’t always make the right one.

Q: What is jaywalking?

A: Simply put, jaywalking is defined in the California Vehicle Code as the crossing of a roadway between two intersections controlled by traffic control signal devices or police officers. That means if you are between two intersections that have traffic lights, you can only cross the street at the intersections or marked crossing areas. For example, on El Colegio Road in Isla Vista, there is a traffic light between Los Carneros and Camino del Sur. If you crossed the road anywhere around there besides at the intersection, you are jaywalking. On Del Playa, however, the intersections are controlled by stop signs and not signals. Therefore you can cross anywhere, and it is not a violation of jaywalking.

The time has come again for me to put down my spoon, wipe the chocolate off my face, change my shirt, mop the floor and find the cherry that rolled under the couch. I feel confident that I chose wisely today, and I hope you also will take the opportunity to choose wisely and Question Authority! Have a great week and enjoy the warm California winter days. Me? It’s sunny out, so I think it’s time to go for a short waddle…

Sgt. Signa keeps a bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup in his gun holster. Gotta be prepared.

Got caught by a cop? Your party popped by the po-po? Ticked by a ticket? If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you — Question Authority! Email me anytime at QA@police.ucsb.edu or call UCSB PD at 893-3446.

 This article appeared on page 8 of  the Monday, February 25, 2013 print edition of the Nexus.

Hello to everyone! I’m not sure how I feel about the fact my last article was one of my more complimented ones. I really must have hit a chord with the declaration that I am a jerk. Apparently a lot of you agree with me! And I bet there were a lot of you out there who never would have thought you would agree with a cop! It’s taken a few years, but I think I am actually getting better at bridging the communication gap between cops and the community. I don’t think I can get away with just calling myself a jerk in every column, but it’s a start.

Speaking of communicating, tonight is going to be a great chance for you to call me a jerk in person! Tonight at 6:00 p.m. the Resident Assistants at Santa Catalina Hall are hosting a Cops vs. Students Call of Duty tournament. Teams of students will be given the opportunity to take on a team of cops. As much as I love playing C.O.D Black Ops, I am also not delusional enough to not realize I am likely in for a series of major butt- whoopings. But considering the great opportunity for students and cops to interact in a way that doesn’t involve the use of pepper spray, it’s worth it. One of the great rewards of these events is not the winning or losing, but the comments from students weeks and months after when they see us on the street talking about having a good time or about the new map packs coming out. Many believe playing a video game is just a waste of time, but I think it’s a great opportunity for us to find a common ground to talk. I think we often find we are more alike than we want to admit.

I am thinking of being a cop. What are the requirements and how should I go about it?

First of all, the requirements are pretty straightforward. You need to at least have a high school degree, although many agencies are starting to require college degrees. Also, when competing against several hundred applicants for only a few openings, a college degree increases your chances dramatically. Next, you need to have a fairly clean background. I’m not saying we want or expect perfect angels, but a criminal history will make it more difficult for you to pass the background check. You also need to pass the required physical agility tests. They are a series of basic tests to make sure you can hop fences, run and — of course — drag bodies. If you are in pretty decent shape, that should be no problem.

People also ask if prior drug use will automatically eliminate them from becoming a cop. Nowadays it is less stringent than it used to be. The amount of prior drug use that an agency will accept varies from department to department. If it is a concern, you should talk to the department before applying so it is not an issue after the hiring process. The application process can take anywhere from two to six months. Add at least another year of training on top of that and eventually you can be a police officer.

But even before you think of applying for the job, you need to make sure it’s a job you really want. A lot of people have an idea, good or bad, of what cops are and what we do. Whether you think it’s all car chases and gun fights or just kickin’ it at the donut shop, it’s actually a lot more. You deal with everything from marriage counseling to traffic enforcement to computer tech investigations to investigating accounting fraud, and by then it’s only lunch time. One of the great things about the job, yet also one of the most difficult, is that you need to be an expert in so many different fields. Before you do anything else, go on a ride along with a local police officer or sheriff. See what we do from the inside of the patrol car. Every single person I have taken on a ride along for the first time came away from it with a new view of what we do and how it is done. Having a candid conversation with a cop can help you decide if this is really the job for you. If it is, good luck.

Is a “California stop” legal?

A California stop is when a car does not completely stop at a stop sign before continuing through an intersection. How fast must you be going to classify as a California stopper? Well, it actually does not matter. The law requires that all vehicles come to a complete stop at a stop sign prior to the limit line. Whether it’s one mile an hour or 10, if you don’t stop, you have run the stop sign, have violated the law and may get a ticket.

But let’s be realistic here. I will often sit and watch the intersection outside of the police department. Maybe one out of every 20 cars does come to a complete stop. So do I pull them all over? Nope. Could I? Maybe, but I don’t. It’s up to each officer to decide which car to pull over. For me it’s a matter of whether the driver made a reasonable effort to stop, look at the intersection and make sure it was safe to proceed or not. Just thinking about stopping isn’t quite enough. Also, another tip: If there ever is a stop sign not to run, the one in front of the police department should be at the top of the list. Did you honestly not think that there might be a cop around there? And the second-worst stop sign? Come on, you know this one. By the donut shop, of course!

So take care and be safe this week. The roads are slick from the rain, and the burglars are back from their vacations, so drive slow and lock your doors! And if you happen to be in the area of Santa Catalina tonight (Monday), stop by and take a shot at me in the Call of Duty Tournament! It’s all in good fun and you should never miss a chance to question authority!

Mark Signa had to bribe more than a few California stops off his record before making the cut into cop-dom.

Got caught by a cop? Your party popped by the Po-Po? Ticked by a ticket? If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you — Question Authority! Email me anytime at QA@police.ucsb.edu or call UCSB PD at 893-3446.

Yes, I am a butthead, a jerk, a hoser (for all you Canucks), a bastard or any other name that seems to refer to donkeys, male anatomy or feminine hygiene products. If there is one thing I can count on in a college town, it’s that there will always be new, clever ways to name call. In the many years working at UCSB and in Isla Vista, I’ve been called just about all of them. I admit I don’t always understand the references — partly because I am getting older and not all that hip to the current slang and partly because maybe I overthink them. Honestly, when I am called a butt-wipe, I think of a really soft and gentle sanitary baby wipe that feels good against the skin. Is that really a bad thing? Really, just call me a jerk. I know what you mean, and you know what? You’re probably right.

I was trying to get home one night on Del Playa and there were a couple of cops on the street. They weren’t letting anyone go down the street and when I kept explaining that I lived just a couple of buildings down the street, the cop yelled at me and threatened to arrest me if I didn’t go the other way. Why was he a jerk, and can the cops stop me from going down my street to get to my house?

Yeah. That was probably me. A couple of months ago, there was an incident on Sabado Tarde where a guy began shooting a gun and ran through some apartment buildings towards Del Playa. Officers were just down the street when the gun was being fired and saw the guy take off. We had to block off part of Del Playa and Sabado Tarde in order to try to catch the guy and try to keep people from going into the area where he might have been. Considering this was a Friday night, there were quite a few people heading home. Even with every officer in the area there, it still was difficult to close down a small part of I.V. While on Del Playa, I repeatedly had to tell people to go the other way since there was a man with a gun somewhere nearby. You may have noticed that many of us were carrying assault rifles and were hiding behind cars and walls. It was not a safe area and after telling the same people several times that they could not go through that area, I was a bit testy. Sorry if it was rude, but it wasn’t like I was taking pleasure in keeping you from your warm and cozy bed. I actually didn’t want people going into a dangerous area. So after several times of coming out from the safety of cover and turning my back toward where a gunman might be (and he was there), I was a jerk. And can we stop you from going down your street? When there is a dangerous situation, absolutely. A big part of my job is keeping people out of danger whenever possible. Sorry to be a jerk to you, but if you see the cops walking around with assault rifles, it’s probably a bad situation and staying away might be a good idea anyway. It’s safe now, so how about a hug?

I was pulled over and when I gave the officer my driver license, he saw my California ID card in my wallet. He took the ID card that I’ve kept since high school and said I wasn’t allowed to keep it. I wasn’t using it, so why did he take it?

In California, and I am assuming it’s probably the same in most states, it’s illegal to have two state identification cards. I realize one says Identification Card and the other says Driver License, but other than those words, they are the same thing. Oh, and one of them allows you to drive a car. I always forget which one.

The reason they don’t want you have two identifications is that many bad things happen when you have two IDs. Not bad like Godzilla-stomping-on-your-house bad, but pretty bad. A second ID floating around tends to get lost and is a boon to identity thieves. They can use the ID card or driver license to open credit accounts at stores and next thing you know, I’m knocking on your door asking why you bought 40 cases of Lactaid and a year’s supply of Depends at CVS. Even though it wasn’t you, it still is a pain to clear your credit history.

Also, from a cop’s perspective, the second ID often ends up in the hands of a younger friend who was “just holding it for” you. Also, they often end up holding a 12-pack of Natty Light outside SOS Liquor for you as well. Soon the ID is being seized, tickets are being written, someone ends up going to jail, SWAT teams are descending from mysterious black helicopters, martial law is declared and Godzilla is stomping on your house! Do you not realize that having a second ID can lead to giant radiated lizards stomping on people’s homes? So to save Tokyo, or at least to save a really bad Matt Broderick remake from hurting you, we will take the second ID and send it back to the DMV.

So what have we learned today? Apparently I am a class-A jerk, two IDs can destroy Tokyo and reading these articles can lead to confusion and dementia. I do what I can for you because I care. Be safe and stay warm!

When Mark Signa’s kids are old enough for “the talk,” he has a pile of Wednesday Nexuses waiting for them. No talking necessary.

Got caught by a cop? Your party popped by the po-po? Ticked by a ticket? If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you; question authority! Email me anytime at QA@police.ucsb.edu or call UCSB PD at (805) 893-3446.

My friend got a beer ticket last weekend, but he lives in Northern California. Does he have to show up to court or can he just mail in the fine?

I know there are some questions that I am asked and have answered numerous times before, but they are important and worth repeating. So, yes. Although William Shatner will always be the iconic James T. Kirk, the broader range of Patrick Stewart as Capt. Picard made him the better captain and helped bring a wider acceptance of the Star Trek universe to the general public. But in regards to your question, if you are under 21 years old and get cited or arrested for any drug or alcohol-related offense, you are required to appear in court for the first hearing. Even if you live out of town, you still have to make arrangements to appear. Court dates can be changed to work with your schedule to some degree, so have your friend call the court and see what they can do to work with him. The court feels that it is important that people learn about the system and how to maneuver through it.

My side view mirror was broken at some point over the weekend. Should I even bother making a police report about it?

Considering the cost of fixing an automatic mirror, or even just replacing the car’s floor mats, there is a good chance you might need to file a claim with your insurance for the repair. If that’s the case, the insurance companies require some type of report or case number for the claim. So you will need to call or stop by to report the vandalism. The report only takes a few minutes and you can be in and out faster than a fluffy bunny stopping by a grizzly bear convention. Okay, that was weak, but if you had any idea how many unprintable ideas floating around my head I had to filter through just to get that one …

And as a side note, there are times we catch people breaking mirrors, so if you report it, there might be a chance we have the person responsible and you could make them pay for the damage. Like a rich fluffy bunny at a grizz … oh, never mind.

My neighbor’s car alarm keeps going on and off all night. She won’t fix it. Is there anything I can do about it?

As much as you might want to throw cute fluffy bunnies at the car, it won’t help. And it might be slightly offensive to PETA. Instead, you can call us. We would first try to locate the owner and get them to disconnect or shut off the alarm. If that doesn’t work, we can tow a car for having the alarm going off for 20 minutes after we get there, even intermittently. We would rather get the owner to quiet the alarm, but if they won’t or can’t, the car can end up in car jail. And then it will probably end up with some really tough Chevy cell mates who will make it a long miserable night.

So that’s it for this week. If you found yourself one of the unlucky few who ran into some troubles over Halloween week, or ever, do not hesitate to send me a note with any questions or concerns and I will be there to help out. Oh, and to save a couple of you the time of writing: No, regardless of what the sign and arrow said, that big long asphalt roadway with planes landing on it was not Del Playa.

Sgt. Mark Signa knows fluffy bunny analogies help you get any point across.

Got caught by a cop? Your party popped by the Po-Po? Ticked by a ticket? If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you, Question Authority! E-mail me anytime at: QA@police.ucsb.edu or call UCSB PD at 893-3446.

Lack of fashion sense aside, it’s now the time of year that Isla Vista gets invaded by tens of thousands of out-of-towners looking for a wild place to party for Halloween. As a result, hundreds of cops, firefighters, paramedics and others are here to help keep the town as safe as possible. Like I do every year, here is a list of tips and rumor-busters that hopefully will help you all get through the interesting week ahead!

First and foremost, if you have a party, be aware of the Halloween Noise Ordinance (6-70.01 Santa Barbara Co. Ordinance). It basically states no amplified music will be allowed between the hours of 6 p.m. and 7 a.m. from Oct. 26 through Nov. 4. Can you party? Yes, parties are allowed. However, any music that can be heard outside your residence will result in the party being shut down. House full of out-of-control flying monkeys? No problem. Just keep them away from the stereo and you’ll be okay!

If you go out to check out Del Playa, remember there are going to be about 4.7 million cops out there. Okay, maybe just about 150 or so, but either way, it will seem like you will run into one every few feet. Don’t get drunk and hit the street. On Halloween weekend, if you are drunk, you have a very high chance of being arrested. Then who will be at the apartment to feed the flying monkeys?

Are visitors allowed into Isla Vista? Well, we don’t shut down the freeways or block the roads coming into Isla Vista. People can get in, but it is a mad house and the closest parking is about four miles away. Costco and K-mart will be towing cars from their lots. Best advice? Don’t have out-of-town visitors during Halloween! Any other weekend is so much better. Also, if you live in the UCSB Residence Halls, there is a strict no-visitor policy. Anyone caught with visitors that week will get nailed by the UC.

Which streets are closed? On the weekend before Halloween and Halloween itself, Del Playa, El Nido and Sabado Tarde will all be blocked off, as they get crowded. Pedestrians will be allowed in, but no cars. If you live on those streets, get your car off the street! Any cars left on the street may be towed or (worse) severely stomped on by crowds.

Will they be confiscating toy guns or costume props? YES! Anything that can be used as a weapon or looks like a weapon will be confiscated and held until you pick it up the following week.

Can I pet the horses? Please, do not under any circumstances pet the horses! They are trained to work in crowds and deal with noise, but going up and touching them can potentially startle them. Especially when someone who has been drinking decides to pet the horse like it’s a huge flying monkey. That will definitely get you arrested.

So the most important rule for Halloween is simply to use common sense. If you go out, go with friends and stay together. Don’t act crazy and get the attention of the cops, and try to be respectful of your fellow I.V.-ers.

My best advice to you is to avoid Halloween weekend. It’s packed with people to the extent that you can’t see anything three feet in front of you, there’s no music, any parties that do happen are quiet and private, there are cops everywhere citing and arresting people, and it kind of smells funny. Since Halloween falls on a Wednesday this year, it will very likely be a local event. People will show up for a couple of hours, show off their flying monkey costumes and head home. Actually, sounds like a fun time.

If you do choose to hang out this upcoming weekend, all I ask is that you please be careful and don’t get hurt. I know I am supposed to be the mean ol’ nasty cop who just wants to arrest you and ruin your life, but I really don’t like seeing the unfortunate results of bad decisions made by some students. So just have fun and be safe. Watch out for your friends and hopefully, they will watch out for you. And if you do run into some trouble, don’t hesitate to call, email or even send me a note via flying monkey — though I actually prefer the last one.

Take care and have a safe Halloween.

Sgt. Mark Signa keeps warm by wearing a fuzzy, purple flying monkey jumpsuit under his uniform every Halloween.

Got caught by a cop? Your party popped by the Po-Po? Ticked by a ticket? If you have questions, don’t let it eat away at you, Question Authority! Email me anytime at QA@police.ucsb.edu or call UCSB PD at (805) 893-3446.