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To Lefty, For 79 Years of Loyal Service

Winter Quarter is the shittiest poo to ever be shat upon God
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Three Snakes Devour Ellwood – Kinda

The Ellwood Bluffs are going to get screwed up - just not as badly as before.
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Homeless Need a Safe Campground in Isla Vista

We decided the best thing to do was set up a camp in the central park of Isla Vista to create a community of homeless in defiance of the anti-sleeping ordinance and in support of a safe sleeping space...
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Humiliating Comedians Is Repetitive

So when Carrot Top suggested we go fuck ourselves, we relaxed, let him rant, and made sure the tape was rolling.
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Monorail is the Way to Solve the Prevalent Parking Problem

I feel that the campus should build a monorail tram. I feel that this would solve most of the problems that we have on campus in addition to other benefits.
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Bad Sex Means Wet Spots, Urinary Tract Infections

Sex, for instance, is not all orgasms and hard nipples. There are times when it and the aftermath are just horrible.
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Random Acts of Sadism

Labels rule people's lives. Case in point. A Nexus editor burning the midnight oil retreats to his office, secure that precious caffeine awaits.
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Grape Boycott By-Law May Be Old, but It Isn’t Outdated

So, if students went on a hunger strike tomorrow to get UCSB to boycott the products of a company behaving as irresponsibly as Pictsweet, would they succeed? I hope so.
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Don’t Listen To That Fink; Marshall’s Good for I.V.

In sum, if you like the idea of crappy housing, filthy water, unsafe streets, greedy landlords and being disenfranchised by a summer election, then by all means support the recall.
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Closing Down Delta Trail Will Protect Plovers, Keep Beach Open

The snowy plover is a threatened bird that roosts on our coast; they're the little white and sandy colored guys that hunker down at the mouth of the Devereux Slough.
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‘A Great Deal of People Get True Enjoyment Out of Seeing Dogs’

I was annoyed to read one Alan Kirk (Reader's Voice, Feb. 4, "Idiot Hippies Need to Keep Their Flea Bag Dogs Leashed") berate the notion of unleashed dogs, and me.
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Nexus a ‘Disgrace to the Unity and Patriotism of This Country’

After reading today's editorial I'm completely appalled. How can you mention George Bush and some of those people in the same breath? You're putting Osama Bin Laden and George Bush on the same level?
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’63 Gaucho Says UCSB Website Charges Alumni Too Much Money

I would like to be able to take advantage of the classmate search capability on the UCSB website, but am unwilling to pay the annual dues charged to allow access.
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Driving the Weatherhuman

People react to the statement, "I don't drive" as if one were to say, "I am paralyzed down the left side of my body" or "I am unable to digest any food more complex than toast."
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Nobel Peace Prize Alternates

If George W. Bush is Up for One, How About Nominations for Some Other Misfits?
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