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Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

The Real Vote on Divestment Was the Friends We Made Along the Way

“I know we didn't decide on anything or even discuss it, but I was stoked to get to sit next to my buddy all night,” stated one senator.
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We’ve Run out of Ideas, so It’s Time to Rank Bread

Fuck it, we ranked the bread.
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No Shit! New Portola Will Still Give You Food Poisoning

As it turns out, new Portola is still steadfast in its unwavering commitment to fucking up your digestive system.  
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Over Fortnite? Here’s a New Pastime for UCSB Students!

A new game of our daily activities and sights in Isla Vista that's designed to help you level up!
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Nexustential Crisis: How to Beer Die Bro

An exclusive look into the secret life of beer die bros from the genius journalists of Nexustentialism!
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The Truth Behind the UCen Bird

The truth behind the UCen bird is finally revealed with a shocking twist...
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Chats with Chad, Mother’s Day Edition: Are Moms Girls?

Moms. We all have them – even if you don’t have a belly button, like me.
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Couple Publicly Spooning Outside Lecture Hall Has Really Good Reason for It We Promise

It has totally strengthened our relationship.
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UC Releases Additional Statement on AFSCME 3299 Strike

The University of California has released an additional statement regarding their stance on the strike.
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Pubes Still Pissed You Shaved Them, Promise Vengeance

We didn’t say it was easy being well groomed.
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Jewish Frat Boy Asks, “Is Eating Pussy Kosher for Passover?”

And Tiffany asked, “what’s Passover?”
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Nice! This Student Didn’t Even Need to Get Laid to Do Walk of Shame

The Isla Vista Walk of Shame is upon you.
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Daddy Yang, You’re Not the Father

A paternity test revealed that Daddy Yang is in fact not her biological father.
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Local Bros Experience the Price of Viral Fame

You know how some people use the bible as guidance in everyday life? We use Barstool Sports.
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New TA Excited to Mansplain to Female Students

Spring quarter is here and nobody is more excited than freshly minted TA Seth Jameson.
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