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Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Girl Reminisces About Best Valentine’s Day Hookup

He gets me and that’s one of the things I love about him.
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The Secret to Convincing Your FWB to Commit on Valentine’s Day

Your resident unofficial Daily Nexus Sex and Relationship columnist takes on Valentine's Day commitments.
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Close Quarters With Clayton: What Does It Really Mean To Be a Gaucho?

In this first edition of Close Quarters With Clayton, Stench correspondent Clayton Alexander explores how the student body really feels about our mascot, chancellor and more.
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Student Wary of Cuffing Season Preemptively Cuffs Self

Martinez has gone so far as to cuff herself before anyone else gets the chance.
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Trouble Is Afoot: Raccoon Theft Leaves DP Residents Barefoot and Unhappy

This isn’t the first time a raccoon has done something like this.
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Surfing in Poop Water is the Shit

“Honestly, I’m like already pretty sick,” stated Corby, throwing up a condensed shaka.
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Wow! This Frat Respects Women By…

Really impressed!
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White Girl’s Semester Abroad Didn’t Totally Change Her Life

Shocking news arrived from a small suburb outside Los Angeles.
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Things Hieu Le Should Spend His $3,000 Honorarium on Instead of Increasing Student Fees

While we really do love our A.S. President, we do think it’s appropriate to poke fun at some good old-fashioned political fuck-ups every now and again.
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Nice! UCSB Introduces 10 Edgy Classes for Spring Quarter

Here it is! The long-awaited *super easy* GE course list from UCSB. Everyone and their Aunt Trish loves taking a nice, juicy general education course. It’s a beautiful way to lighten the load of an ...
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Nexustentialism to Shut Down After Some Girl Kaitlyn says “Not Okay”

Well, it happened.
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UCSB Accepts Record Number of Out-of-State Students to Pay for New Science Building

Over 5,000 students were found to have been marked as in-state admissions over 3 years.
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New Chancellor Announced as Large Pile of Money Wearing Glasses

His glasses are prescription.
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Fuck It, I’m Rating the Birds

These winged jerks have had it too good for too long.
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Sad! Thousands of New Year’s Resolutions Left Abandoned on Streets of DP

Sadly, this is an annual occurrence.
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