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Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

White Girl’s Semester Abroad Didn’t Totally Change Her Life

Shocking news arrived from a small suburb outside Los Angeles.
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Things Hieu Le Should Spend His $3,000 Honorarium on Instead of Increasing Student Fees

While we really do love our A.S. President, we do think it’s appropriate to poke fun at some good old-fashioned political fuck-ups every now and again.
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Nice! UCSB Introduces 10 Edgy Classes for Spring Quarter

Here it is! The long-awaited *super easy* GE course list from UCSB. Everyone and their Aunt Trish loves taking a nice, juicy general education course. It’s a beautiful way to lighten the load of an ...
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Nexustentialism to Shut Down After Some Girl Kaitlyn says “Not Okay”

Well, it happened.
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UCSB Accepts Record Number of Out-of-State Students to Pay for New Science Building

Over 5,000 students were found to have been marked as in-state admissions over 3 years.
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New Chancellor Announced as Large Pile of Money Wearing Glasses

His glasses are prescription.
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Fuck It, I’m Rating the Birds

These winged jerks have had it too good for too long.
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Sad! Thousands of New Year’s Resolutions Left Abandoned on Streets of DP

Sadly, this is an annual occurrence.
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Students in ESS Pre-major Prepare to Literally Jump Through Hoops

Students have been working diligently to gear up for this week’s final challenge.
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Study Abroad Student Misses Memo, Shows Up 1 Week Early

The TAs then handed out the exams, and the professor wrote the time remaining on the board. Still, Sanders remained clueless.
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ALL THE SEX I’VE HAD THIS YEAR, RATED

Every year when my virginity restarts on Jan. 1, I record and rate all the sex I have had by month and man. Take a peek into my exciting life as a serial polygamist:
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10 Stages of Finals Week

Despair. Pizza cravings. Yerba Mate. More despair. Finals season brings on a whole wave of feelings. Here is what a typical finals week looks like.
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Eggbert: A Year in Review

As the year comes to a close, Eggbert takes time to reflect on some of the advice he’s given over the course of 2017 and add any additional wisdom he’s picked up along the way.
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All Final Exams Canceled Due to Power Outage

UCSB officials have announced that all finals are to be canceled due to ongoing power and air quality concerns caused by the Thomas fire.
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Story in Pictures: The Great I.V. Blackout

Kicking off dead week with some added stress, Isla Vista was plunged into darkness late Monday night, likely as a result of raging fires in Ventura County. Many students abandoned studying to storm DP...
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