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Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

‘Broke’ Sorority Girl Complains About Dues, Has Tickets to Every Festival

I am so over this hypocritical world we live in.
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Amazing! UCSB Student Claims She’s Confident Enough To Wear Low-Rise Jeans!

Readers will remember low rise jeans as the “it-jean” of the early 2000s.
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CDC Deems Cats Ungrateful Social Parasites

You may have been infected by Toxoplasma gondii, a parasite that infects its host with an irrational attraction toward feline species.
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10 Things to Do if It Rains During Deltopia

Let’s just say that the future isn’t looking too bright — literally.
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Uh Oh! Your Upstairs Neighbor Bryan is Playing the Guitar Again!

Since diving headfirst into YouTube tutorials, Bryan has quickly expanded his repertoire.
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My Mom Reacts To My Articles

This is supposed to be a joke, right? Please tell me this is a joke.
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How to Sexile Your Parents During Spring Break

The advice you’ve all been waiting for.
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Student with Poor Music Taste Suffers Ruptured Eardrums in Davidson

“I wish I had listened to my mom when I still could."
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The 10 Commandments to Get Through Finals Week

Surprise! Life isn’t perfect. I’m fucking stressed, for one.
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Student Puts Juul Pods Above Blue Books, Fails Finals

He doesn't regret his choice.
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UCSB Psychology Study Finds Best Way to Relieve Stress is to Sigh Loudly at Davidson Library

The passive aggression in the room was palpable.
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Student’s Glare Fails to Thwart Study Group from Invading Library Table

Residents of neighboring tables looked on with mixed sympathy and frustration.
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How to Celebrate Not Turning 21: A Guide to Surviving Your 2 Lamest Birthdays

If you’re between the ages of 19 and 20, the excitement of your special day has long faded.
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Students Graduate 1 Quarter Early, No One Cares

I mean, it’s just a quarter. It’s not good or bad. Just what they did.
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Free Water of Isla Vista, Ranked

Scenario. It’s summer:  you’re just getting out of your last class of the day.
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