×
Menu

Nexustentialism

We’re not okay

Overheard in the Library

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, not Christmas season, finals season. At least it was. But now, the library is empty and we move on with our lives.
read more

22 Last Minute Ways to Raise Your Grade

Do not sleep. At all. It slows down the brain and prevents further learning.
read more

Friendship Manor Gives Up on Noise Ordinance, Throws Rager Instead

The drinks were flowing all night as slutty nurses spoon-fed the elderly residents Jell-O shots, and orderlies laced their oxygen tanks with dank kush.
read more

Professor Only Curses To Impress Freshmen

Students have claimed that his casual F-bombs and “shits” don't make his second-rate retelling of elementary school history any more interesting.
read more

Illegal Candle Trade in Dorms At All-Time High

“They were pleading innocent, but you could tell they were lying,” Capt. Morgan said, shaking his head. “Who would use peppermint-scented candles before Thanksgiving?"
read more

Obama Barricades Self in Oval Office, Refuses to Let 45th President In

Shortly after meeting with President-elect Donald Trump and participating in a civil photo-op, a composed Obama immediately kicked everyone out, grabbed a pint of Cherry Garcia and then locked the doo...
read more

Which Subtweet Should You Tweet Next?

What fun is the internet if you can’t talk shit? Don’t worry, these subtweets have your back.
read more

Common Cold War: Students Weaponize Sickness, Bring Down Entire Dorm

"It's like being in a gang, man. When one of us gets sick, the whole building gets sick. It's a way of life."
read more

Overheard in I.V.

Another edition of eavesdropping brought to you by our version of investigative journalism.
read more

Marijuana Legalization Used as Coping Mechanism for Californians Under Trump Presidency

ISLA VISTA, CA - Amidst the dark clouds surrounding election night, a cloud of a different type began to rise above the nerve-wracked streets of I.V.
read more

Fuck.

"Oh well," reports one witness.
read more

Who’s Leading The Write-In Vote?

The only place your third party vote will actually count.
read more

Trump Releases List of Demands After Holding American Intellectualism Hostage for a Year

While a multitude of world leaders have championed for its release, many Americans have agreed never to “negotiate with terrorists,” while others report not being aware of its departure in the fir...
read more

Landmark Measure to Turn Entire Campus into Bike Lane Passes

It is still relatively unclear to most as to what initially spurred the groundbreaking initiative to even be placed on the 2016-17 ballot.
read more

What Your Latest Urban Outfitters Purchase Says About You

So many overpriced merchandise options for you to regret later, so little time.
read more