[responsive-menu]

Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

UCSB Blood Transfusions Intoxicate Local Hospital Patients

Last Sunday, it was reported that several patients at Sunny Hills Hospital were found to have elevated BAC levels. After a thorough investigation, it was revealed that all intoxicated patients receive...
read more

Controversial Starbucks Cup Breaks Silence

After weeks of silence, I have decided it is time for me to make my statement. I know many of you have been waiting for this moment, so I will keep this short and to the point. Why the hell are so man...
read more

10 Isla Vista Commandments

Trumpeted by the thundering waves, bellowing frat boys and wailing sirens of a Friday night in Isla Vista, the great Chancellor Yang descended upon one unworthy Nexus writer to set forth a set of rule...
read more

A Breakup Letter to Trader Joe’s

Look, I’ve got to say something here, but don’t think this means I love you any less, because that’s just not true; my love will never change. You’ve taken me places and done things for me I d...
read more

The Comprehensive Roommate Breakdown

The term “roommate” is a funny one. Per the perennial linguistic powerhouse, dictionary.com, it is simply defined as, “a person who is assigned to share or shares a room or apartment with anothe...
read more

Twitter Threatens Male Masculinity

In case you missed it, Twitter unveiled a new way to show your appreciation of another person’s tweet this week. Instead of having the option to “favorite” a tweet with a star, you now “like...
read more

How To Spot An I.V. Fuckboi

  Fuckboi (n.): a male specimen who has the characteristics or tendencies of the ultimate douchebag; possibly considers himself a “meninist”; makes up for his insecurities by drinking a lot o...
read more

If Stars Were Really ‘Just Like Us’

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really tired of hearing about how Selena Gomez walks with her legs or that Justin Timberlake uses paper towels to dry his hands. As someone who uses deli slice...
read more

Accurate Isla Vista Street Names

Instead of recognizing any cultural significance behind the beautiful names designating each unique street in this community­­­­, we’ve relabeled them all for present day accuracy. 65 Block: Bey...
read more

Trick or Chug: Isla Vista Edition

We all remember those thrilling, spooky, sugar-induced nights as children where we got to be whatever we wanted and would go around collecting candy just for being cute in our costumes. Those were tru...
read more

How To Make Booze 101

Are you tired of having to deal with the high cost of alcohol? Or maybe you’re a freshman without a fake I.D. and no upperclassmen as friends. Either way, worry no more, because cheap and easy booze...
read more

Elections on Elm Street

Halloween is only a hop, skip and jump away, so here at the Daily Nexus, we’d like you to join us in conducting a bit of a thought experiment. Imagine that, just for a second, only evil individuals ...
read more

California Drought Ends, UCSB Students Feel Conflicted

Californians received a huge relief this past Wednesday when a heavy rainstorm flooded the state with an average of 1.5 inches of precipitation. Governor Jerry Brown called a press conference to offic...
read more

Eight DIY Halloween Costumes

With Halloween just a couple weeks away, the panic to find the perfect costume is setting in. Getting the stuff necessary to become the perfect Daenerys Targaryen or Donald Trump can get pretty expens...
read more

Netflix and Chill: Halloween Edition

Ladies and gentlemen, and those who feel they fall somewhere else on the gender spectrum (we are all-inclusive here at the Daily Nexus), grab a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and stay awhile — October is up...
read more