×
Menu

Nexustentialism

We’re not okay

U Can Study Blonde: Elle Woods Goes Gaucho for Fashion Merchandising Ph.D.

After completing a campus visit and tour yesterday, Harvard Law graduate and political activist Elle Woods made her decision to enroll at UC Santa Barbara official by submitting her statement of inten...
read more

New Plans to Deal With DP Cliff-Slide Risk

Recent events surrounding the cliffslide and mandatory demolition at 6653 Del Playa have seen a shift in the design philosophy of oceanside property owners.
read more

Putin Hacks Starbucks, Students Rejoice Over Free Lattes

“It actually wasn’t that bad for me,” Starbucks barista Denise Gates said. “Many people tried to make up for it in tips so I counted myself lucky to be working that shift.”
read more

Local Girl Arrested in Relation to Spoon Homicide

“She had it coming! I warned her, but that spoon was still in the sink when I got home.”
read more

Raccoon Trash Lord Grows Stronger Every Time You Litter

Juniper’s origin is unknown, but what is known is that he controls the greater Isla Vista area through his networks of trash.
read more

Trump Appoints Stanford Tree Head of U.S. Forest Service

“This is a guy who knows trees and the problems that they face,” said President Trump.
read more

Chancellor Yang Washed Away by Floods

It would appear that he first got caught in the flood around Storke Tower and has since been seen floating down Del Playa, holding on to a rogue surfboard.
read more

Satan Declines Invitation to Trump Inauguration

“I was told that ‘literally Hitler’ would be sworn in. I know Hitler; he’s a good friend of mine. This guy is no Hitler; he doesn’t even have the mustache,”
read more

Local Gluten-Free Crossfit Trainer Takes Vow of Silence, Leaves Scientific Community Uprooted

In what will certainly go down as a cornerstone development of the 21st century, scientists at the University of Science in Siberia met Monday morning to discuss the unthinkable.
read more

Top 7 Internships For College Students in 2017

Internships. The elusive, ever ethereal precursors to one’s midsummer night’s dream job on Mount Olympus with froyo on tap.
read more

10 Things the Elf on the Shelf Overheard During the Holidays

This festive little buddy comes out to decorate the house with candy canes and lights and does more than just overlook from his perch.
read more

6 Trends That Need To Make a Comeback in 2017

2017 is the year we stop normalizing unrealistic stereotypical roles for minors so we can diversify our content and profit off of more child stars.
read more

Santa Rescued from Sinking Sleigh by Heroic Surfers

“At first I couldn’t believe it,” second-year environmental studies Joseph Wilkins, one of the rescuers, said.
read more

Sorority Sally’s Top 10 All-Time Favorite Christmas Songs

Before you begin wondering why there’s no Mariah Carey or Michael Bublé included on this list, you have to remember that these are my favorite Christmas songs.
read more

How To Avoid People from High School 101

You thought you would never see them again after you threw your cap in the air, but if you go home for the holidays, you are bound to see at least 60 percent of your graduating class at some point.
read more