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Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Tampon Plugging and Butt Chugging: A Midterms Guide to Yerba

It’s midterms, my dudes.
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UCSB Student Complains About First-World Problems, Insists You Don’t @ Her

These issues REALLY matter.
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VOTE: What should Ryan get tattooed on his butt?

Yes, you read that right.
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Del Playa at Risk of Falling into Ocean Spiritually and Physically

Ninety percent of Del Playa cliff erosion is caused by dubstep music and loud bass.
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Valentine’s Day Epiphany: Previously DTF Man Now DTForm a Genuine Relationship

I owe so much to Valentine: he’s looking out for his bros.
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I Asked 30 Girls on Tinder What They Thought About Stamps

What do you think of stamps?
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Girl Reminisces About Best Valentine’s Day Hookup

He gets me and that’s one of the things I love about him.
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The Secret to Convincing Your FWB to Commit on Valentine’s Day

Your resident unofficial Daily Nexus Sex and Relationship columnist takes on Valentine's Day commitments.
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Close Quarters With Clayton: What Does It Really Mean To Be a Gaucho?

In this first edition of Close Quarters With Clayton, Stench correspondent Clayton Alexander explores how the student body really feels about our mascot, chancellor and more.
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Student Wary of Cuffing Season Preemptively Cuffs Self

Martinez has gone so far as to cuff herself before anyone else gets the chance.
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Trouble Is Afoot: Raccoon Theft Leaves DP Residents Barefoot and Unhappy

This isn’t the first time a raccoon has done something like this.
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Surfing in Poop Water is the Shit

“Honestly, I’m like already pretty sick,” stated Corby, throwing up a condensed shaka.
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Wow! This Frat Respects Women By…

Really impressed!
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White Girl’s Semester Abroad Didn’t Totally Change Her Life

Shocking news arrived from a small suburb outside Los Angeles.
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Things Hieu Le Should Spend His $3,000 Honorarium on Instead of Increasing Student Fees

While we really do love our A.S. President, we do think it’s appropriate to poke fun at some good old-fashioned political fuck-ups every now and again.
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