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Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Chats with Chad, Mother’s Day Edition: Are Moms Girls?

Moms. We all have them – even if you don’t have a belly button, like me.
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Couple Publicly Spooning Outside Lecture Hall Has Really Good Reason for It We Promise

It has totally strengthened our relationship.
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UC Releases Additional Statement on AFSCME 3299 Strike

The University of California has released an additional statement regarding their stance on the strike.
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Pubes Still Pissed You Shaved Them, Promise Vengeance

We didn’t say it was easy being well groomed.
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Jewish Frat Boy Asks, “Is Eating Pussy Kosher for Passover?”

And Tiffany asked, “what’s Passover?”
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Nice! This Student Didn’t Even Need to Get Laid to Do Walk of Shame

The Isla Vista Walk of Shame is upon you.
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Daddy Yang, You’re Not the Father

A paternity test revealed that Daddy Yang is in fact not her biological father.
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Local Bros Experience the Price of Viral Fame

You know how some people use the bible as guidance in everyday life? We use Barstool Sports.
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New TA Excited to Mansplain to Female Students

Spring quarter is here and nobody is more excited than freshly minted TA Seth Jameson.
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Rodney Raccoon To Run for A.S. President, A.S. Hopefuls Are Shook

It’s time raccoons get the representation they deserve.
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Timely Warning: Protect Our Raccoons

Warning: This article may contain material that some readers may find triggering, alarming or upsetting.
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Roommate Poops So Fast It’s Intimidating

Who the fuck does she think she is?
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Looking to Get Stressed Out? Here Are Some Natural Disasters UCSB Could Maybe Face

Murphy’s Law states, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”
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I Don’t Know What Chancellor Yang Does Exactly and at This Point I’m Too Afraid to Ask

Am I comparing Chancellor Yang to McDonald’s? Yes. I love McDonald’s.
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University to Replace C.A.P.S. with New Subway

This week the university announced plans to eliminate Counseling & Psychological Services (C.A.P.S.) and replace it with a new Subway. “We have made the executive decision that three Subways in ...
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