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Nexustentialism

All you fear is here

Fledgling Beach Cruiser Gang Terrorizes Campus

Recent police reports suggest that a new biker gang, known formally as The Bitchin’ Beach Crewsuirs, has started to infiltrate the various bike racks of UCSB’s campus.
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Fraternity Rituals Explained with Frat Phil

Out of the supreme zesty-ness of my heart, I’ve decided to share some of my hazing methods and rituals.
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Film Studies TA Offers Extra Office Hours to Discuss New Zelda Game

The start of the new Spring Quarter brought about the usual chaos of students changing sections, crashing classes and purchasing textbooks. In an effort to combat this recurring calamity, Film Studies...
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When Your Roommate Leaves for the Weekend: Expectation versus Reality

In college, having a room to yourself is a rare and treasured occurrence. Often, however, the reality doesn’t live up to your glorious weekend plans.
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Ask Eggbert: Advice for Incoming Freshmen

In this installment, Eggbert will answer the burning, itchy questions of committed incoming UCSB freshmen as well as prospective students!
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Top 7 Household Items to Use as Back-Up Condoms

You reach for your nightstand, open the drawer and BAM: no rubbers.
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Frat Boy Creates 8th Day of Week to Spend More Time with ‘The Boys’

Traditionally, only Saturdays have been for the boys, but now, more and more days are being consumed by this ritual.
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Literal River of Alcohol Runs Through DP During Deltopia

This year’s alcohol-infused festivities included the creation of a lazy liquor river through the crowded street.
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Top 15 Things UCSB Could Have Spent Anti-Deltopia $40K On

If UCSB’s going to hike up tuition and spend a ridiculous amount of money on anti-partying ads, they might as well give us what we really want.
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UC Regents ‘Hikes’ Actually Referring to Light Exercise

The use of the term “hike,” which has commonly been utilized to describe the annual upward trend of tuition costs to students, seems to have been a particular point of miscommunication.
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Drunken Basket Stealer Shows No Remorse in Court

“Yeah, I did it, and I’d gladly do it again. Those baskets knew what they were in for. Zip ties ain’t got nothing on me.”
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What Happens When A Student Stays in I.V. Over Spring Break

What happens when you are the one left behind forced to suffer through the best weather and most stress-free environment all by yourself?
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How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break

For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.
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7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo

Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!
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Professor Booze Cruise Results in Hijacked Oil Rig

What was meant to be a quiet ocean cruise for several of the school’s esteemed faculty turned into a nightmare of intoxicated hijinks, which included the swift seizure of one of the several oil rigs...
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