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Nexustentialism

Listicle or Satirical, never Newsical

5 Ways to Convince Your FWB to Hook Up When They Should Study

We all know what F stands for.
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My Sext Got Left on Read: Here’s My Story

Long story short, my award-winning paragraph of graphic erotica got left on read.
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Professor Institutes ‘Trial by Combat’ Test Format

Sources confirmed yesterday that an upper division physics professor, who has asked to remain anonymous, has hired a handful of retired WWE wrestlers to challenge students in cage-match-style combat.
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A Slice of the Upper Crust: Protests Rise Against Dining Commons Bread

The dining commons are well known for their widespread range of bakery items, especially their flavors of homemade breads. However, a group of passionate students have taken it upon themselves to end ...
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The Definitive Chancellor Yang Trivia Quiz

After feasting on some delicious little sandwiches and pasta salad, we asked the main man the questions that really mattered.
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If Tour Guides Told the Truth

Thinking back to the 27 college tours your mother made you go on, do you really think all of those tour guides told you the truth about their schools?
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New Study Shows There Aren’t Plenty of Fish in the Sea

In a recent study published by UCSB’s Aquatics Research Department, research has concluded that there are, in fact, not plenty of fish in the sea.
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9 (Easy) Steps to Instagram Fame

It’s all about those little red hearts underneath your perfectly candid picture that validate your very existence!
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He Wanted Me to Pledge CALPIRG, But I Pledged My Heart

Three years, two dogs and countless games of Gauchoball later, we’re still together and happier than we ever have been.
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Top 5 Things Every Senior has to do Before Graduating

Here is the ultimate, most amazing, super fun, totally Gaucho, UCSB bucket list for graduating seniors.
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Extravaganza Mistaken for ‘Extra’ Festival

A portion of students misinterpreted the name of “Extravaganza,” UCSB’s annual music festival, as something entirely different
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U.S. Interferes in North Carrillo Lunch

Chaos ensued last week when a local office for the U.S. Food and Drug Administration booked Carillo’s Mountainview Room for a staff meeting.
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Tinder Name Ideas for UCSB Cyclists

A double-entendre homage to UCSB’s two main activities: dating and cycling.
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Break in Review: Frat Phil Recounts Trip to Cabo

It’s your boy with the poi, your kid with the lid, your son with the concealed carry permit, Frat “Put Your Tits Where I Can See ‘Em” Philskies, dude.
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Student Crumbles in Spring Quarter, Asks Parents For Money

A UCSB student lost her pride this weekend when she finally succumbed to poverty and asked her mom to transfer some money to her bank account.
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