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Nexustentialism

Unfiltered, unthoughtout

When Your Roommate Leaves for the Weekend: Expectation versus Reality

In college, having a room to yourself is a rare and treasured occurrence. Often, however, the reality doesn’t live up to your glorious weekend plans.
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Ask Eggbert: Advice for Incoming Freshmen

In this installment, Eggbert will answer the burning, itchy questions of committed incoming UCSB freshmen as well as prospective students!
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Top 7 Household Items to Use as Back-Up Condoms

You reach for your nightstand, open the drawer and BAM: no rubbers.
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Frat Boy Creates 8th Day of Week to Spend More Time with ‘The Boys’

Traditionally, only Saturdays have been for the boys, but now, more and more days are being consumed by this ritual.
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Literal River of Alcohol Runs Through DP During Deltopia

This year’s alcohol-infused festivities included the creation of a lazy liquor river through the crowded street.
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Top 15 Things UCSB Could Have Spent Anti-Deltopia $40K On

If UCSB’s going to hike up tuition and spend a ridiculous amount of money on anti-partying ads, they might as well give us what we really want.
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UC Regents ‘Hikes’ Actually Referring to Light Exercise

The use of the term “hike,” which has commonly been utilized to describe the annual upward trend of tuition costs to students, seems to have been a particular point of miscommunication.
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Drunken Basket Stealer Shows No Remorse in Court

“Yeah, I did it, and I’d gladly do it again. Those baskets knew what they were in for. Zip ties ain’t got nothing on me.”
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What Happens When A Student Stays in I.V. Over Spring Break

What happens when you are the one left behind forced to suffer through the best weather and most stress-free environment all by yourself?
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How to Avoid Fuckbois and General Disappointment this Spring Break

For the less fortunate among us, Spring Break means a week of White Russians in the morning and desperate fuckboys who want nudes.
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7 Ways to Turn Your Backyard into Cabo

Don’t want to cry profusely out of jealousy while avoiding your neighbor’s attempts to recruit you into his meth lab? Then follow these seven easy steps to create Cabo in your backyard!
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Professor Booze Cruise Results in Hijacked Oil Rig

What was meant to be a quiet ocean cruise for several of the school’s esteemed faculty turned into a nightmare of intoxicated hijinks, which included the swift seizure of one of the several oil rigs...
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“My Body, My Feet” Movement Aims to End Unwanted Footsy

On Sunday afternoon, a group of impassioned students forewent their studies in favor of chanting “My body! My feet!” while marching in and around Davidson Library.
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Girl Wearing Makeup to 8 a.m. Final is Better Than You

“I thought there was this kinda unspoken agreement that we would all look like trash for the week as a community-strengthening thing”.
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5 Most Romantic Spaces in the Library

Are you afraid the love of your life might slip away because all you can think about are blue books and essay prompts? Have no fear! Nexustentialism is here to save your unraveling relationships.
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