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Nexustentialism

It's satire, stupid.

Top 10 Places in I.V. Where Boys Have Made Me Cry

Whether you can relate to this or it makes you feel better about your own healthy relationships, here’s a list of the top 10 places a boy has made me cry in I.V.!
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Style Watch: JORTS

We sent reporter Hannah Jackson deep into Eastern Europe to forecast the hottest trends, soon to be coming our way: JORTS.
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Internship Reveals Run of the Mill Trajectory of Rest of Life

Noting the rampant bitterness of his superiors for their long hours and monotonous daily routines, accounting intern Jackson Conners confirmed the unremarkable essence of the remainder of his days as ...
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How to Be Country in I.V.

We all know how country folk are regarded in Isla Vista, so here are some tips on living a country life in I.V.  
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10 Things You Can Buy Now That Tuition is $60 Cheaper

Now that your tuition is lowered by $60, here's what you can buy with all that extra cash! Thanks, UC Regents!
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Best Places To Get Sunburned at UCSB

UCSB is a notoriously sunny and beautiful place. Here are the top five places to soak up the sun and get burned way faster than you’re willing to admit to any of your friends!
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A Look Into Your Sole

Take a quick look to see what your shoe choice says about you!
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Local Woman Already Bored Shitless

Just a few weeks into the most highly-anticipated season of the year, area woman Crissy Anderson is already bored shitless.
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Local Trump Supporter Reflects on Detained Children: I, Too Have Been Sent to Detention

UCSB transfer student Chad DeLabia is reportedly “super confused” as to why this whole immigration thing is so darn controversial.
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Brother, can you spare a trash?

Hells lo, my names is Grrr M. Pache. I is racoon who lives in tree behind big human tree with top.
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Not Too Late for Something Weird to Still Happen

Here we are in Week 10, and it just occurred to me that no big meteorological or geographical catastrophe has taken place.
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Senior Woman Has One Week Left to Find Provider

Sidney Davis, a fourth-year economics major, became stressed this week at the realization that she is about to graduate without being in a stable heterosexual relationship that could end in marriage.
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Farewell from the Outgoing Nexustentialism Editor

The Nexustentialism editor from the 2017-2018 school year says goodbye to her beloved section.
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UCen Post Office Staff Think They’re Better Than You

A new hierarchy has presented itself at UCSB. Not related to Associated Students or the Office of Student Affairs, rather the University Center Post Office.
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10 Reasons Why San Nic Is so Sick I’d Suck its Dick

These were the 10 most meaningful experiences, gifts and opportunities that San Nic blessed students with during the 2017-2018 school year!
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