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Nexustentialism

Listicle or Satirical, Never Newsical
Peyton Stotelmyre / Daily Nexus
Peyton Stotelmyre / Daily Nexus

Local Gluten-Free Crossfit Trainer Takes Vow of Silence, Leaves Scientific Community Uprooted

In what will certainly go down as a cornerstone development of the 21st century, scientists at the University of Science in Siberia met Monday morning to discuss the unthinkable.
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Courtesy of Aptech

Top 7 Internships For College Students in 2017

Internships. The elusive, ever ethereal precursors to one’s midsummer night’s dream job on Mount Olympus with froyo on tap.
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Courtesy of Aptech
Courtesy of dirtydiaperlaundry.com
Courtesy of dirtydiaperlaundry.com

10 Things the Elf on the Shelf Overheard During the Holidays

This festive little buddy comes out to decorate the house with candy canes and lights and does more than just overlook from his perch.
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6 Trends That Need To Make a Comeback in 2017

2017 is the year we stop normalizing unrealistic stereotypical roles for minors so we can diversify our content and profit off of more child stars.
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Sophie Sawyer & Sierra Deak / Daily Nexus
Sophie Sawyer & Sierra Deak / Daily Nexus

Santa Rescued from Sinking Sleigh by Heroic Surfers

“At first I couldn’t believe it,” second-year environmental studies Joseph Wilkins, one of the rescuers, said.
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courtesy of hits92chicago.com

Sorority Sally’s Top 10 All-Time Favorite Christmas Songs

Before you begin wondering why there’s no Mariah Carey or Michael Bublé included on this list, you have to remember that these are my favorite Christmas songs.
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courtesy of hits92chicago.com
courtesy of vidshaker.com
courtesy of vidshaker.com

How To Avoid People from High School 101

You thought you would never see them again after you threw your cap in the air, but if you go home for the holidays, you are bound to see at least 60 percent of your graduating class at some point.
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Eric Swenson / Daily Nexus

Overheard in the Library

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, not Christmas season, finals season. At least it was. But now, the library is empty and we move on with our lives.
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Eric Swenson / Daily Nexus
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screen-shot-2016-12-06-at-2-29-33-pm

22 Last Minute Ways to Raise Your Grade

Do not sleep. At all. It slows down the brain and prevents further learning.
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friendship manor

Friendship Manor Gives Up on Noise Ordinance, Throws Rager Instead

The drinks were flowing all night as slutty nurses spoon-fed the elderly residents Jell-O shots, and orderlies laced their oxygen tanks with dank kush.
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friendship manor
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screen-shot-2016-11-29-at-5-40-29-pm

Professor Only Curses To Impress Freshmen

Students have claimed that his casual F-bombs and “shits” don't make his second-rate retelling of elementary school history any more interesting.
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Illegal Candle Trade in Dorms At All-Time High

“They were pleading innocent, but you could tell they were lying,” Capt. Morgan said, shaking his head. “Who would use peppermint-scented candles before Thanksgiving?"
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obama-les-mis
obama-les-mis

Obama Barricades Self in Oval Office, Refuses to Let 45th President In

Shortly after meeting with President-elect Donald Trump and participating in a civil photo-op, a composed Obama immediately kicked everyone out, grabbed a pint of Cherry Garcia and then locked the doo...
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Which Subtweet Should You Tweet Next?

What fun is the internet if you can’t talk shit? Don’t worry, these subtweets have your back.
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Peyton Stotelmyre / Daily Nexus
Peyton Stotelmyre / Daily Nexus

Common Cold War: Students Weaponize Sickness, Bring Down Entire Dorm

"It's like being in a gang, man. When one of us gets sick, the whole building gets sick. It's a way of life."
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