[responsive-menu]

Blogs

Short Kings Lament: Tall White Man Stealing All the Girls

In 2018, “Florida Man” became a natural phenomenon in pop culture. While not honing in on one specific individual, the term “Florida Man” has been used to encompass the community of strange in...
read more

Climate Change Motivates Real Estate Investor To Buy Trigo Houses

The entirety of the houses on Trigo Road have been purchased by a local investor, who claims that rising sea levels will turn Trigo into “the new DP.”
read more

Jesus Endorses Nexustentialism

Jesus has officially endorsed Nexustentialism! Watch this to learn more about what Christ and the angels think of the best satire section on Earth (and heaven).
read more

Gaucho Grad Guide: Great Career Paths for Theater Majors!

Hey, Gauchos! We know graduation is just around the corner, and with that energy on the horizon, we at Nexustentialism would love to provide some insight into post-grad options for both graduating sen...
read more

Young-Looking Second Year Attends Spring Insight in Quest for Free Shit

In an attempt to squeeze every dollar and cent out of her tuition, second-year Penney Pinscher has taken to the sidewalks of UCSB this last weekend looking to pull a fast one on those tabling for club...
read more

UCSB Enforces Shoe Wearing Policy During Spring Insight

In an email released yesterday, Chancellor Yang wrote the student body to enforce the use of footwear during Spring Insight.
read more

Senior From Newport Beginning To Feel Crippling Pressure of Deciding Which of Parents’ Friends To Get Job From

With only months until graduation, fourth-year global studies major Charlie Andrews has reportedly been experiencing a crippling panic of deciding which of his parent’s business mogul friends he sho...
read more

CALPIRG To Shut Doors After 100,000th Signature Saves Bee

After many years of Arbor tabling, hard work and general disruption, CALPIRG has announced that they will be shutting down for good after acquiring their 100,000th student signature, enough to finally...
read more

A Cry for Help: This Man Wears Basketball Jerseys as Shirts

‘Twas a brave, young fellow indeed who stepped out of his front door onto the streets of Isla Vista last weekend, wiping away tears and wearing a Golden State jersey in place of the usual (and prefe...
read more

UCSB Tour Guide Walks Backward into Hell

In a completely unsurprising turn of events, third-year Anita Bath, a member of the Gaucho Tour Association, has reportedly walked backward into Hell. Walking backward, a skill that many tour leaders ...
read more

I.V. Foot Patrol Declares Martial Law on Deltopia Weekend

Due to concerns regarding the drunken rowdiness, tomfoolery and other miscellaneous shenaniganz that have come to be associated with Deltopia celebrations, the I.V. Foot Patrol declared martial law in...
read more

Deltopia MIPs Ranked

Everyone knows that Deltopia is like Christmas for cops, but instead of gifts, they’re giving out Minor In Possession (MIP) tickets. Though most noobs get an MIP for alcohol possession, we here at N...
read more

Medieval Man Causes Trouble at Deltopia

Holla cater-cousins! 'Tis I, L'rd Walt'r de Bolbec, coming to thee liveth from the 68 block of Del Playa f'r an occasion hath called Deltopia! I has't hath heard it is quite valorous excit'ment and yo...
read more

Breaking: Deltopia Moved to Fortuna! Rebranded as Fortuna-topia

In an emergency meeting last night, Associated Students declared that Deltopia will be moved to Fortuna Lane in order to avoid the increasing police presence seen over the last couple years.
read more

Starbucks Runs Out of Non-Dairy Milk, Chaos Ensues

Tragedy struck Isla Vista last week, administering a blow to the student population right in the heart of their most coveted and vital survival tool: coffee.
read more