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Annual Festival for Gold Diggers Commences Tonight

Isla Vista will hold its annual festival for gold diggers tonight and throughout the weekend. Sources confirm that thousands of scantily clad ladies will roam the streets of Isla Vista looking for men...
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Put Down the Numchucks: Let’s Not Get Arrested

Happy Almost Halloween! I can’t believe how fast this year has been going! It seems like the school year just started and it’s already Halloween weekend coming up. Before you know it, Thanksgiving...
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Know the Difference Between Ghoulish and Foolish This Halloween

Halloween is a spooky-fun time loved by young and old. There is something nostalgic about the goofy and creative costumes, the cool fall air, flickering jack-o-lanterns and so much candy your teeth hu...
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Green Gladiator Van Jones to Ignite and Inspire Santa Barbara Residents

According to some, Van Jones is a “racist, radical communist who believes 9/11 was part of a conspiracy involving the U.S. government.” So then, what is Jones doing giving a talk in Santa Barbara ...
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It’s All White Noise to the Authorities of Isla Vista

Promptly at 7:30 a.m., my room begins to shake. No, my roommates aren’t playing another shitty Dillon Francis track, but what is going on could still be considered aural rape. What I and undoubtedly...
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The Atheist in Love, Chapter Two:

This week’s question: Is it better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all?   Perhaps “love” isn’t the right word. In any case, the closing of an intimate relationship is so...
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“I’ll Take One Hairless Alpha Male, Please.”

I can’t help but feel that finding the right man for me is like ordering off of a menu. I’m picky about a lot of things but food and men are the top two. When I go to a restaurant I have the freed...
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“Democracy Is Nothing Without the Voices of the 99 Percent”

I found Steven Begakis’ letter in Monday’s issue of the Daily Nexus regarding the Occupy Wall Street protests thoroughly enjoyable and refreshing. I feel that I must commend Mr. Begakis for his el...
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A.S. Employee Explains Events, Expresses Frustration

The Daily Nexus has written several defamatory articles regarding my actions with one of the student employees that I supervise. I will point out that the reporter never contacted me to ask if these w...
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Fraternity Dog Looking to Settle Down, Try His Paw at Love

Let me start by saying that I am the house dog and a proud member of the Pi Omega Omega Pi fraternity. I love all my brothers and I know that one day those guys will be the groomsmen at my wedding. In...
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If Atheists Don’t Believe in the Soul, What Sets Humans Apart?

Though the word “more” in this question is vague, I assume that it means, “Which existence is more valuable?” I believe that humans’ lives are much more valuable than any machine’s, even t...
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UCSB Environmentalists Expose Sustainability’s Sexier Side

Well, I’m glad that you ignored the title of this article informing you that this is not the Wednesday Hump and that, unfortunately, you’re an entire day late for the article you were truly hoping...
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Go For a Stroll Down Mammary Lane: Take to the Titties

Considering it’s my first time enlightening you with my dazzling wit in the Wednesday Hump, I decided to do some research before taking on the challenge. After about 20 suggestions of “tie your ma...
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“No-Otter” Zone Stunts Population, Prompts Public Hearing

Have you ever been to Monterey or Santa Cruz and seen those cute little otters hanging out near the beach? I have and, until recently, I never thought twice about why we don’t see otters like that i...
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Wise Society Seeks to Mitigate Harm, Maximize Benefits

Dennis Wassem’s opinion piece  “Governmental Taxation Undermines Its own Aims” in the Sept. 27, 2011 edition of the Nexus attacked the “narrow worldview” of the “disposition and abilities...
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