Kristina Valencia / Daily Nexus
364 out of 365 days of the year we sit around with normal heart rates and high spirits, but when Halloween rolls around, we are cruelly reminded of how terrifying the world can be. Sure, being scared is … well, scary, but the feeling you get from spooking unsuspecting victims is just oh-so-satisfying. Whether you’re popping out from behind a door or devising an elaborate scheme of haunts, we can all agree that Halloween is a hell of a lot of fun. Scaring kids is funny, and scaring teens is downright hilarious, but scaring parents is a type of sickening gratification that gives anyone who has experienced it a peculiar sense of pride. But just how do you scare a parent, someone that has truly experienced all of the abominations of this world? Don’t rack your brain for answers because that is exactly what we’re here for — the answer is simply modern-day music. Explicit language, detestable imagery and ear-piercing beats will surely make any reasonable adult’s skin crawl. Here are some of the best songs for you to blast on your speaker to give your parents a good fright this Halloween:
1. “My Neck, My Back (Lick It)” by Khia
We’re starting off strong with this 2003 classic. Khia’s downright dirty anthem is so bad that it’s good. Although the lyrics are strongly suggestive, the beat is fantastic and is perfect for any party playlist regardless of theme or holiday. If this song was a movie, your parents would be covering your eyes so hard you’d have permanent visual impairment.
2. “Truffle Butter” by Nicki Minaj ft. Drake and Lil Wayne
What happens when you put three rap royalties on one song? Well, the answer is pretty … naughty. While these lyrics are more subtly put, the meaning is one you better hope your parents don’t ask for. All these innuendos will have them running for the hills. This fright is a decent 7/10.
3. “Make It Nasty” by Tyga
Parents will only use the word “nasty” to describe two things: your boogers and this song. Tastefully simple and popular for over a decade now, Tyga graces clubs, bars and teenage girls’ iPhones with this unsavory hit. But while the masses are getting down, parents across the nation are hiding their daughters from the terrors of this song. Perhaps Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz” described it best: “Lions and Tygas and bears, oh my!”
4. “Lollipop” by Lil Wayne ft. Static Major
Here’s a throwback to 2009: your parents have just picked you up from school, “Lollipop” begins to play on the radio and, very quietly, you sing every word hoping your parents don’t hear the lyrics. Because the second they realize that the song is not in fact about candy and is instead explicitly detailing girls performing sexual acts on Lil Wayne, you’re so screwed. However, the song is a clever innuendo on Lil Wayne’s part (although my parents definitely didn’t agree).
5. “Deepthroat” by cupcakKe
You don’t need to listen to more than 25 seconds of this song to know it will scare the shit out of your grandparents, sisters, brothers, cousins, dogs and maybe even you. I assure you, every single line in this song will scare the shit out of your parents. And cupcakKe doesn’t stop at vulgar descriptive lyrics; she includes sexual adlibs throughout the whole song so you really understand the message.
6. “Or Nah (Remix)” by Ty Dolla $ign ft. The Weeknd, Wiz Khalifa and DJ Mustard
If you really want to scare your parents this Halloween, skip to the 50-second mark for The Weeknd’s verse about an uncensored description of his sexual fantasy. Then follows the chorus: “Can you really take dick or nah? / Can I bring another bitch or nah?” Every artist in this song does not hold back about how badly they want to have sex, with complete transparency — perfect for scaring the daylights out of your unsuspecting ‘rents.
