Peyton Stotelmyre / Daily Nexus

Should I do anal?

Probably … and by probably, I mean absolutely. Whoever thought curiosity killed the cat was wrong. Curiosity just killed the cat that didn’t take the proper precautions. There are so many different ways to experience pleasure, and anal is one of them for more people than you’d think. While it may seem a little intimidating at first, with a little preparation, some practice, open communication and industrial amounts of lube, you should be sliding your way to a new experience in no time.

There is a common misconception that anal sex can only be pleasurable for those who have a prostate; however, regardless of gender, the anal cavity is filled with nerve endings. What people are most familiar with in terms of anal stimulation is the prostate gland, which is located at the bottom of the bladder, just in front of the rectum. And I only know that because I watched this video. While the opening to the anus is where most of the nerve endings are, stimulating the prostate is what is often most pleasurable and can even result in prostate-induced orgasms.

For those without a prostate, anal sex can still be enjoyable. Similar to vaginal sex, the clitoris is stimulated during anal sex. While a large portion of the clitoris is external, there is a portion that extends inside that is stimulated during anal sex and can cause clitoral orgasms. Some have even claimed having stronger orgasms during anal penetration than vaginal penetration.

While I will admit anal sex isn’t for everyone, I do think it is something you should try if you are curious. That being said, if you are going to try, it is extremely important to be prepared. Part of that preparation is finding a partner you are not only comfortable with, but someone you feel you can have an open line of communication with. Trying anal will be painful at first for whomever is being penetrated, so it’s important for each partner to be aware of how the other is feeling. Open communication will help both partners figure out what is most pleasurable for each of you.

In addition to finding your partner, there are a few other steps to take into consideration. A primary concern for people trying anal sex for the first time is cleanliness. While a little poop here and there should be expected, it is not something to worry about. In fact, most fecal matter sits above the anus and rectum. Some people choose to use anal douching, but many are fine with just taking a little extra time to wash in and around the area.

It is also extremely important to stay relaxed and go slow during the act. Part of the reason anal sex hurts is due to tensing up. Let your body calm down and start with something small. Some people start with fingers or toys and then move to bigger things, such as butt plugs. Going slow will not only help prevent tearing but will also help build arousal. Before any penetration, however, make sure you are using lots of lube!

If you take anything away from this article it should be that preparation will enhance your anal experience. There are a lot of resources online, but it’s important to remember that everyone’s bodies are different. To help you get started here are some tips on anal foreplay. ;)

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My boss keeps hitting on me :( How do I get him to stop? I’m already dating someone else.

First of all, I am so sorry you are going through this. Regardless of whether or not you are dating someone, this behavior is inappropriate and unfair, and you should not feel as if you need to justify your feelings about the situation. At the end of the day, his actions are making you uncomfortable.

I would say at this point it is most important for you to identify exactly what behaviors are making you uncomfortable. It could just be him hitting on you, but oftentimes that behavior is accompanied by other actions that could contribute to the discomfort as well, e.g. being passive-aggressive when you shut down his attempts or unwanted forms of physical affection. There is a laundry list of possibilities, and identifying these behaviors will make it easier for you to articulate the situation and how it has created an unsustainable work environment for you.

While I usually err on the side of confrontation, I think in situations like these direct confrontation is not always the best option for everyone. I would, however, advise you to tell someone who has the power to change the situation, even if it isn’t your boss directly.

In every workplace there should  be someone who is responsible for handling these situations. Normally, this person works in the human resources (HR) department; however, if you are unsure who specifically handles these situations, the HR department is a good place to start. Whomever you end up speaking with should be able to explain all of your options and help you decide what is best for you.

If you think confronting your boss is the best option, make sure you are clear about which behaviors make you uncomfortable. This should not come off as a threat, but your boss should know that if his behavior doesn’t stop you will have to speak with someone else. This is never an easy thing to do, but remember that being comfortable in your workplace is not a privilege but a right.

AJ

AJ is the advice guru of the Daily Nexus. Multiple writers contribute to Ask AJ. If you know who they are, keep it to yourself. Remember, snitches get stitches.