Nexustentialism File Photo

“New year, new me” proclamations were made around the world on the first of the month, but here in I.V., I have to admit, it’s been a rough start. So, to combat the possibility of failing my goals, I have lowered my standards. “New year, same me” — that’s what I’m going for. And just to keep myself accountable, I’ve compiled a list I can come back to and check throughout the year.

1. Trash men only

Historically, my resolution to be a better human overall also involved interacting with better men. Who am I kidding, though?! Good men are no fun, lead to no drama and don’t leave me with any emotional scars. I’m not here for that.

2. Juul-ing all day erry day

I save my lungs the smoke inhalation in the process, so this is a great resolution. Honestly, everyone should strive for this. It isn’t a bad habit!

3. Fitness? Health? Exercise?

Working out is for overachievers. I just want to be average, don’t you? C’s get degrees! All that new equipment at the MAC is bound to hurt someone soon and it won’t be me because I won’t be there.

4. Wearing sweats 24/7

We sleep in them, eat in them, lounge in them, party in them and sometimes even shower in them, so why not go to class in them? If you’re looking to up your senioritis game, this is how to do it.

Anat Katzir plans to watch more Netflix this year — all in the name of research.