I’m so over being single, so I’ve taken matters into my own hands and decided to make a Tinder. After my first date off the app, I decided to document the type of guy I went out with and it has resulted in this lovely list. Please sit back, relax and peruse the selection of guys at your disposal, aged 21-30, in a 26 mile range. Here is a collection of my Tinder dates:
1.The Snap Message-Saver
You had a great conversation over snap message. Dad jokes for days. But you have never met a more awkward human being in your life, amirite?!
2. The Ghosted One
3. The Manipulator
This is the guy who turns out be be manipulative and ‘breaks up’ with you three weeks after you met. Also he makes you cry and then compliments you two minutes later. Lol. Life is great.
4. The Sweet Talker
The one who calls you sweetheart, honey and babe from the first date. A bit creepy but you roll with it.
5. The Guy You Went On An Eight-Minute Date With
You’ve literally been texting for two weeks and haven’t been able to find the time to meet. He finally offers a time and you roll with it, but as you’re driving to meet, he calls you and lets you know he has to go to work in 30 minutes. Seeing as how you’re already late, you spend a total of eight minutes together. And then you kiss because you both agree this is a ‘lol’ kind of situation.
6. The ‘Book Worm’
*Quotes philosophical statement*, *quotes recent headline*, *talks about cryptocurrency*.. Sorry, my man, you think to yourself while smiling and nodding. You can see right through him.
7. The Library Guy
He comes up to you while you’re studying and whisper-yells, “We matched!” Stfu dude. If you want to talk, message first!
8. The “You Up?”
“Wanna fuck? ;)” Lol. No, bro. Husband material only beyond this point.
9. The Visitor
“Here for the weekend,” the bio reads. Mmhmm, yeah, uh huh, right, bye. Go back to whatever college you belong to and quit sullying our No. 5 status by messing with the Tinder picks.
10. The Media Mogul
Okay, so you swiped because he was hot and you were a bit horny. But, you, once again, are shown why boys who are obsessed with their insta game will never be as into you as you are into them.
Amanda Love wants to know where the hot intelligent guys went because she has been swiping left for WAY TOO LONG.