In a press briefing early this morning, CSO Chief, Copson Robberts, confirmed the rumors that a total of five backpacks were destroyed in an unfortunate coffee accident in Harold Frank Hall’s main lecturing hall, room 1104, this past Tuesday. Robberts went on to demonstrate how the accident occurred using the 1:35th scale diorama of the room that they’d been up all night constructing — we were all very impressed and proud.
The coffee was spilled in the seventh row, Robberts reported. The perpetrator, who has now been apprehended, had knocked over their Arbor coffee which quietly ran down the sloped floor of the lecture hall, destroying the backpacks of five unsuspecting students before reaching the bottom. It then pooled under the moccasins of a sleeping senior in the front row. “No one saw a thing… Not before the damage had been done,” Robberts added.
One student whose backpack had been a victim in the event, senior Angelina Jodie, lamented, “it’s a damn shame… my backpack was just four weeks away from retirement.” Jodie went on to note that with her backpack gone, there was really no point to even go to class anymore.
“It was a terrible accident that could have been avoided,” Robberts added on to this sentiment.
“This person could’ve just gotten the small coffee and killed it on the way to class, but no. They had to get the large with 70 percent Almond Milk.”
Despite being a sophomore with no club affiliations, the perpetrator will be tried in court as a senior in Greek Life due to the gravity of their crimes. They could likely face anywhere from 20-30 hours of mandatory Arbor Tabling for A.S., or even CALPIRG. This isn’t the first time a travesty of this nature has taken place in Harold Frank Hall, and with the current system in place, it certainly won’t be the last. More on this story as it progresses.
Clayton Alexander is a senior communication major who loves to drink coffee during lectures, but hates it when other people do for the above reason(s).