You know you see wild shit on the daily being a student at UCSB. So, here’s a fun year-round activity for all of us: why not make a game of our daily activities and sights in Isla Vista? Sounds like fun, right?
Here’s how: If you happen to come across any of these throughout your day on campus or around I.V., start from 0 and just record the addition or subtraction of points to the notes app on your phone. Then you’ll be on your way to leveling up!
Level 1: 0-99
Level 2: 100-199
Level 3: 200-299+?
1. Panhellenic or IFC shirt (+5 points)
Don’t know what this means? That’s chill. Just look out for all those sorority girls and frat bros — see them wearing their letters? There’s your five points.
2. Electric skateboarder (-40 points)
I’ll admit it; it’s cool. Even I want to try and ride one, BUT GET OUT OF THE BIKE LANE.
3. A barefoot male (+10 points)
Usually spotted in the wild, this variety of the male species roams the grounds of the UC Santa Barbara campus freely. Be aware, they often appear as your hippie philosophy TA.
4. A barefoot female (+200 points)
Let me know where I can spot one of these. I’ve been trying to level up for a few weeks now and the absence of these 200 points is killing me.
5. A Hydro Flask covered in sticker vomit (-2000 points)
WE GET IT. You went to Week of Welcome in September and have walked through the Arbor more times than you can count. On these journeys you’ve collected a plethora of rad stickers and designs, but, like, stop. Please. You’re not original. Everyone is doing it. Here’s an idea, be a trendsetter by buying a fresh and [free-of-stickers off-brand water bottle and then we’ll see who’s really the cool one.
6. Three frat bros sporting the same outfit (+69 points) (-2 points for any additional bro in the same outfit)
Using the term “frat bro” loosely, this can also be applied to pledges who are not yet technically “bros.” We love all of our affiliated males equally. But picture this: three identically dressed men striding in slow motion down the streets of Isla Vista on a Friday afternoon headed to meet up with the rest of their clan with the soft sea breeze bouncing those beachy locks on their heads.
7. CalPIRG rep trying to get you to sign a petition (-762334 points)
Why? I don’t want to save things I have no interest in learning about from a two-minute conversation with you. Why would I have time for that?
8. People-watching on a roof (+55 points)
I highly recommend trying this out. It is a great pastime.
9. Mention of Daddy Yang (+1234567777…. points)
Love him. He is my daddy. Well I’ve actually not gone through the same process of [[as]] Karissa Young who revealed the negative paternity test results, but in reality I don’t need scientific fact[[s]] to prove anything. I know Daddy Yang is my daddy.
10. Mention of Mapaches (-1 point)
Oooooo-lé! Olé! Olé! O-leeeeé! Mapaches! Mapaches! It just doesn’t sound right.
11. “Oh this bus sticker from last quarter doesn’t work?” (+10 points)
Nope. It doesn’t. The expiration date is on the actual sticker, dude.
12. Someone drinking an energy drink that isn’t a Yerba (+4500)
Can you even imagine?
13. CU or IVP stickers (-10 points)
You can throw those out now. They came out of hibernation for two weeks and now we don’t have to deal with them for the next 50 weeks of the year.
14. People fundraising with Krispy Kreme donuts (-5 points)
This isn’t very inclusive. Do you know how many vegans there are on campus? You could be raising a lot more money. Just a tip for your business ventures.
15. People locking their bike to a tree (+40 points)
You all know that these bikes aren’t actually locked to trees, right? Their owners probably lock the wheels to the frame but all-in-all, road bikes are pretty lightweight … If anyone’s looking for a new bike, you now know where to look. ;)
16. People looking for their bike (+3 points)
17. People talking on the 5th floor + (+40 points)
If you don’t want to be studying, then don’t. It’s fine. I’m not mad, but could you like please leave. Go tell your BFF about your weekend on the 3rd floor.
18. Vaping in the library (-1 point)
You’re not cool.
Anat Katzir has allowed this game to take over her life because it proves great merit on a resume.