Courtesy of Giphy

Warning: This article may contain material that some readers may find triggering, alarming or upsetting. Please be warned that you are reading this at your own emotional risk, and some content may be considered inappropriate for readers under the age of 18. Reader discretion is advised.

A recent incident has occurred, and a full report and investigation is set to begin involving a verbal harassment case that occurred early Saturday morning on the 66 block of Trigo.

The victim, an Isla Vista native who wished to remain anonymous, described the event as scarring and feels “slut-shamed” for acting upon her natural instinct and shacking at a male friend’s home the previous night.

“I was just trying to waddle home after a long night, and all of the sudden there I was, being called a ‘furry f*ck’ and a hoe,” says the distraught victim.

The victim says she has never experienced this specific form of harassment before in all four years of her life. Having been looked down upon and marginalized for her species, she thought her sex life was safe.

However, she was called out for her “waddle of shame” back to her dumpster home. This represents a shocking increase in the variety of species douchebags are willing to drunkenly yell at.

The raccoon community is outraged and currently organizing a protest for this weekend set to start at the dumpsters behind Freebirds, a local raccoon hotspot.

To combat the potential emotional grief experienced, C.A.P.S. and C.A.R.E. have announced their decision to extend their services to our non-human companions of Isla Vista. They reiterate that harassment of any kind to any person — or animal — is always unacceptable. IVPD has declined to make a statement.  

Lil Furnace thinks all harassment is bullshit and solid grounds for immediate castration.