They said it couldn’t be done, but that one guy always coughing in your lectures has finally been identified as third-year biology major Dan Nutmeg.
But who exactly is Nutmeg? And why has he been coughing so much? Some of these pressing questions were put to rest after we got into touch with the elusive UCSB student himself.
It turns out, not only has Nutmeg been coughing in your class, but in every class on campus as well.
Calling it his “passion project,” Nutmeg loves the work he’s been doing to irritate both teachers and students alike. “It started as an actual cough, but now it’s really developed into a hobby,” says Nutmeg, who makes it his personal mission to visit as many classes as he can in one day to cough profusely. Though negatively affecting his grades, there’s no sign of Nutmeg stopping.
“It gets pretty busy in the winter months since I’m running back and forth between fifteen, sometimes thirty classes a day to get a good set going,” Nutmeg said.
“It gets pretty busy in the winter months since I’m running back and forth between fifteen, sometimes thirty classes a day to get a good set going,” Nutmeg said. “But other than that it’s not too hard.”
Nobody asked him to do this. In fact, many have requested that he stop.
“Every forty-five seconds, some kid coughs,” says Art History Professor Emily Clements, “and then that triggers another kid. It’s like some sick, twisted domino effect.”
When told of this comment, Nutmeg was unfazed.
“Who said that? Clements? Ha, yeah, my strongest coughs have been in her lectures.”
Emma Demorest is the assistant editor of Nexustentialism. She once licked the largest wooden yoyo in the world.