Tinder Name Ideas for UCSB Cyclists

May 17, 2017 at 2:00 pm by Vianna Mabanag

Courtesy of Daily Nexus

A double-entendre homage to UCSB’s two main activities: dating and cycling.

AgressiveCyclist69

This Tinder name is specifically for you if you unleash all your early-morning frustration by biking as fast as the speed of fucking light. Screw beach cruisers! It’s okay to overshadow everybody else with your hasty speed and intense foot-to-pedal precision. Occasionally, your calf muscles can be seen bulging out from underneath your beige cargo shorts, and you try very hard to make it clear to other cyclists that you do not play.

MrRoundabout

Not to be confused with Mr.StealYourGears, Mr.Roundabout can go on for hours, unlike lots of people pedaling through campus like they’re the shit. One might think MrRoundabout is done after going through the campus one time, but he is not. He has much energy left in him and would like nothing more than to do it again. This Tinder name is specifically created for the ones who have been sheltered from the world of biking all throughout their lives and are looking forward to just “try it out” and experiment in college.

LeisurelyBiker11

This Tinder name is for the people who like to take it slow. The first time they ever rode a bike was just last month, or they have never ridden at all. They choose their bikes based on a personality method and not by how shiny it is. They are keen on not getting too emotionally attached to the bike, as they have had bad experiences with shady bicycles in the past.

BreakBack-Mountain(Bike)

This person just wants the bike ride to be done as fast as possible. He rides quick and finishes quick. They’re usually the type to enter the bike shop saying, “I just want a fixie. No oil marks, no scratches, no hickeys.” They usually enjoy bike riding but just not with that particular bike because they have a better bike at home — hence the speedy (and guilty?) process of cycling on campus. He also does not post Instagram pics with that particular bike in case the one at home sees.