It’s no secret that trying to make a long-distance relationship work can be challenging. For some couples, it’s like a temporary little vacation and maybe even gives room for some “me-time” on both sides. However, for some, it can feel a little like trying to extinguish a fire by dousing it in gasoline, all while throwing grenades and heaps of dynamite at it from afar. Setting the distance aside, you’re fighting against all sorts of other natural elements resulting from the miles in between; you can no longer meet each other at that cute little coffee shop you both loved lounging at every Sunday, and you can’t just drive over and have a lazy Netflix night at his or her place.
In spite of what seems to be a radical shift in your relationship, however, perhaps one of the hardest things — no pun intended — of being so far apart is the lack of intimacy. Since having easy access to sex is one of the main greatest reasons of being in a relationship, the inability to touch your partner may be half the reason you might find the process so painful. As if it weren’t hard enough to be separated by hundreds of miles, working around school, work and other personal obstacles can be difficult and unpredictable. Having been in such situations before, I’ve learned that even with all of the crazy shenanigans in between, you can always make time for a little fun in bed.
Fitting in time for sex in a long-distance relationship can sometimes feel like a game of pick and choose. Do you go out and share the new places you’ve found with your significant other or do you stay in and spend the little time you have down in the sheets? For a lot of you, it might seem only too obvious to think, “Why not just do both?” But the reality is that sometimes that is not an option. Most of the time, there is still homework to do, laundry to wash, work to finish, things to take care of, which must get done, even if it means having to make your man/woman tag along. It is surprising to learn that sometimes it just takes a little adjusting to steal some extra time!
Fitting in time for sex in a long-distance relationship can sometimes feel like a game of pick and choose. Do you go out and share the new places you’ve found with your significant other or do you stay in and spend the little time you have down in the sheets?
For example, before going to bed with your loved one, set your alarm for a decent hour instead of waking up whenever your body feels like it. Am I saying wake up at an ungodly hour? No, just don’t let yourself wake up at 12 p.m. because it’s the weekend and you love sleeping in more than life itself, however tempting it may be. Another way to make every second last is to do chores together. If you haven’t got a single pair of undies left, bringing your honey along with you and having them finish up some of their chores along with you will work wonders. Do homework together at the same time instead of separately sitting down while the other does who knows what. Sometimes all it takes is planning a little ahead of time.
Having the advantage of planning ahead will also help you score some time for some late-night fun. Before your partner even arrives, or before you arrive with them, make sure to get as many things out of the way as you possibly can beforehand. Sometimes this can easily translate into hours of extra time with your special someone. We have a habit of underestimating how much time we spend on little things, like some homework here and car wash there, but things build up. Not only do these things rob you of your precious time, but they can also be a burden on the quality of time you have.
Not having done what you had to do is probably going to be in the back of your mind most of the time you get to spend with your partner. This will not only make your free time less enjoyable, but your partner will notice and pick up on the stress and join in having a less than good time with you. Although it can sometimes be impossible to get everything done — sometimes there definitely seems to be more than there should be — make sure you are able to tune it out in order to enjoy your time together. Be in the moment together and don’t let all the noise ruin the fun!
Though it’s not as great as playing naked fort in bed, taking a shower together is an awesome way to set aside time for some intimacy. I don’t mean have sex in the shower, though if you’re able to, go for it; the secret to that still remains a mystery to me. However, just getting to touch your partner’s body and kiss is enough to release the “love hormone,” oxytocin. This magical neurotransmitter not only helps couples bond, but it reduces cortisol, the stress producing hormone! Also, getting to have this time to yourselves will not only reduce anxieties of wondering whether the attraction is still there, but it will give you a break from your distance-induced celibacy.
Just because you are apart does not mean you can’t have any sort of sexuality with your man/woman. Though not equivalent to phone sex, it’s always nice to remind your partner that they are still desired. Something as simple as commenting on their awesome legs, or reminding them how much you miss smacking “that butt,” will remind them you do still have a sex life, even if it hasn’t been too active. Likewise, they will feel more comfortable and make you feel just as wanted in no time.
The sad truth is that sometime there is no time for sex. And not only is there no time for sex that one weekend, but also the next weekend, and when there are long periods of separation in between, that can translate to going on weeks, even months at a time.
Be affectionate when you are out and about. Holding hands, kissing and simple touching goes a long way. I don’t mean go out in the middle of the park and openly grope your partner in front of a bunch of unsuspecting watchers, but simply caressing each other and embracing your partner can make a world of a difference. Though this may not seem very intimate, it will help you feel more connected and will help satisfy that need for contact until the next time you get to do the more fun things.
The sad truth is that sometime there is no time for sex. And not only is there no time for sex that one weekend, but also the next weekend, and when there are long periods of separation in between, that can translate to going on weeks, even months at a time. The painful part of this isn’t the plain fact that you are not getting any action, but the fact that stress and tension arises from that lack of intimacy between your partner and yourself. Does he/she not like me anymore? Is something wrong? Are we breaking up? Did I hurt his feelings when I joked about his shoes? It must be the haircut, these bangs suck! All sorts of insanity clouds your judgment and you may find yourself and your partner being vigilant about every little anomaly, everything that could or could not be a sign for trouble.
No, you are not turning into one of those married couples that you hear about in movies in which the two haven’t slept together in years. Things simply change, and one must adapt to trust that things are not bad, just different. Every now and then, you just have to accept that even if there is no time for sex, there is still time to be together. It is not easy to go weeks and months without touching your partner; however, keep in mind that things will not always be as hectic.
Scarlet Serrano believes being patient is sometimes the key to getting what you want.