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The holidays are quickly approaching us, and that means soon we’ll all be enjoying sweater weather and delicious food. But as we return home, college students everywhere are going to face the overbearing presence of distant relatives who feel the need to ask invasive questions about personal lives. It can be an anxiety-inducing experience if you’re not properly prepared, which is why I’ve compiled this list of coping mechanisms to handle every question they can throw at you.
In light of the election and its devastating results, it is safe to assume that your conservative relatives are going to have a lot to say this holiday season. While they loudly tell your cousins that the Clintons are evil, it’s important that you keep a level head. Try to stay calm and not start an argument when your uncle tries to convince you that Mexico will pay for the wall. If this Trump-supporting relative starts to get a little too testy, quickly find one of the Tequila Sunrises that you’ve strategically hidden around the house. You can secretly take a swig while everyone else is too distracted by the pro-Trump tirade to notice.
Recipe:
Pour 1 shot of Tequila into 1/2 cup of fresh orange juice and stir thoroughly. Then pour this mixture into a cooled glass filled with ice cubes. Slowly pour in 1/2 oz of grenadine syrup and let it settle to the bottom. This step may take a few minutes, so have some patience, just like the patience minorities will have for the next four years. The end result is a tropical, fruity drink that is a vibrant red and yellow ombre color.
One question that I always dread is the classic, “What are you studying again?” Since I’m a senior, this is often compounded with the equally troublesome, “What are you going to do after you graduate?” While well meaning, this causes untold anxiety to already nervous college students who are riddled with student loan debt. So, when someone asks you about your financial future, take a deep breath and make up a lie about a job you’ve recently applied to. Then excuse yourself from the table to make yourself a Chocolate Leprechaun, which will calm your nerves and keep you from thinking about future unemployment.
Recipe:
A Chocolate Leprechaun may sound strange, but it’s basically chocolate milk with a shot of Irish Cream. First, put a few ice cubes into a large glass. Add 1 shot of Baileys Irish Cream (add more if needed). Pour in 2 tbsp of chocolate syrup and 7 oz of milk, then stir until evenly mixed. This sweet and chocolatey drink will make you feel nostalgic for your childhood and take you back to a time when your value wasn’t reduced to your employment status.
While trying to enjoy my turkey dinner I’m commonly asked “Don’t you have a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner yet?” When you’re faced with this inevitable question by someone you only see twice a year, don’t blush and look away. Instead, tell your pestering relative who’s probably already had too much wine that you’re far too busy being a poor college student to waste money and time on dating. This question can be especially awkward for queer people who may still be in the closet. I suggest making a batch of Rainbow Shots before the party and chugging a few of the brightly colored delights when relatives start discussing your love life. These will help you stay loose enough to dodge questions about your sexuality while helping you celebrate queer pride. Soon enough, your relatives will return to their heteronormative banter and you’ll be free to feel buzzed in peace.
Recipe:
These delicious treats are a little difficult to make, and there’s some interesting science behind it. This recipe includes four different liquids that are all different densities, allowing them to stack onto one another. First, pour 1/2 oz of grenadine into the shaker and add a cup of ice to create the red layer. Then pour in 6 oz of pineapple juice and 1 shot of vodka, which will eventually create the orange and yellow layers. Now, add 3/4 cups of blue Curacoa liqueur to make the green and blue layers. Avoid shaking and quickly pour the concoction into seven shot glasses before the colors have a chance to mix insider the pitcher. When you pour out the shots, a slight blending will occur and each shot will be a different color, creating a beautifully boozy rainbow.
