It’s 11:45 a.m. and your class just let out and you are beyond horny. You have two quizzes next week and a ton of reading homework to do until then, but let’s be honest, you need to get it in NOW. So you text the guy you’ve been seeing and tell him he’s about to get the ride of his life in 15 minutes and to meet you in front of the College of Creative Studies. So you grab your guy, by the cock if you could, and drag him to your dorm.

You’re halfway to Anacapa before you realize there are two other people in your room who probably haven’t even woken up yet! How the hell are you supposed to orgasm and have sex on the top bunk, which you have never done before?! You open the door with your guy and sure enough, both your roommates are fast asleep. You can get away with this, right? Stay quiet, don’t scream and don’t make any sudden movements. But wait, that’s what sex is.

Ashlea Vedder / Daily Nexus

Back to the drawing board. Can I ask them to leave? I can’t just wake them up to have sex, can I? Would it be rude if we just did it with them in the room? I mean, really, are they going to wake up? They were up binge-watching “Stranger Things” ‘til 3 a.m. last night, so they have to be in a coma by now. The clock’s ticking and we need to make a choice, and from the hard-on I feel on my lower back I already know what his decision is. Just like that, we became a Beyoncé and Jay Z song; I was in a dress and he slid my panties to the side and we slowly had the hardest and quietest sex of my life up against my closet door, which was shielding us from the other bunk in case someone woke up. Thankfully my roommates didn’t wake up, but if they had I would have been beyond embarrassed and I probably would have never invited that guy back to my place.

While the thrill of having someone(s) in the room was amazing, it wasn’t the right thing to do as a roommate, no matter how sexually frustrated I was. A system needs to be in place with your roommates about what to do when one of you needs to get done thoroughly. Sex is a great stress reliever and college is full of stress. I’ve heard everything from putting a sock or a tie on the door to sending out a group text saying “give me 20 minutes.” The fact is you’re sharing your living space with two other people who have the same needs as you. That’s three times the sexual frustration!

Thankfully my roommates didn’t wake up, but if they had I would have been beyond embarrassed and I probably would have never invited that guy back to my place.

So if you don’t start off honest and place some boundaries before it leads to having sex basically in your closet, then you’re going to have a rough first year, and not the good kind of rough, either. My suggestion is to have an open dialogue with your roommates. Sure, talking about sex is awkward and weird, but you know what’s weirder? Walking in on your roommate as she’s giving her boyfriend the best blowjob of his life and he cums in her mouth but is looking at you because you just walked in on them. (Yes, that really did happen to me, and the worse part is I maintained eye contact until she swallowed and then high-fived him! It was like I was a part of the job, and let’s face it, it’s not called a blowjob for nothing. Good work, team!)

You don’t want to see that. Unless you’re into that stuff (to each their own). What you want in a triple is a place where you can be yourself and live your life without being invaded on or invading other people’s space in the room. So talk about your schedules and see when your roommates have classes so you and your partner don’t always have to do a 15-minute quickie and hope nobody comes home early. Get your roommates’ numbers just in case you do feel the urge while one of them has a gap between classes and may be in the residence hall, because let’s face it, when midterms and finals come, everyone will want to be cumming in some form or another.


Kelsey Pruett believes in your ability to work out your sex schedule, even if you live in a triple.