5 Ways to Take Advantage of the California Wildfires

July 6, 2016 at 1:33 am by Emily Anne Williams

Summer is out in full force, and with it comes the dry heat, and with that comes wildfires raging across the state. Here are five ways you can capitalize on this destructive act of nature.

1. Make S’mores

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If thousands of homes are going to burn in the process, you might as well break out the skewers and make a summertime classic. If sweets aren’t your thing you can have a weenie roast instead.

2. Get Drunk

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The Golden State is one great big bonfire at the moment, which means it’s time to intoxicate yourself. We know, you’re Gauchos, you don’t really need an excuse to get wasted, but we’re giving you one anyway.

3. Have a “Hunger Games” Marathon

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Why not celebrate your home being on fire with “the girl on fire.” Maybe after seeing the hot teen romance unfold onscreen you won’t feel the third-degree burns.

4. Create a Sauna

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Your dermatologist will thank you. You don’t even have to leave your house, just spill some water on the floor and wait. Who needs those overpriced spas?

5. Summon Satan

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Fire is the most effective tool in summoning people from the underworld. Lucifer is always looking for a vacation, why don’t you invite him on up? He throws great parties.