You know how it goes. Your new Tinder bae invites you over to Netflix and chill, and 20 minutes into the provocative world of “Bob’s Burgers,” things start getting steamy. Roommate sexiled, twinkle lights on and wavering hands start leading toward cunnilingus. But your diet of coffee, onions, and raw cruciferous vegetables has led your cunnus to not be in tip-top freshness. Luckily, there’s TeaKitten. Made from a “unique combination of ingredients that work together to cleanse the body and flavor the pleasure center,” TeaKitten tisanes come in a variety of flavors including passionate peach, sassy vanilla and sensual citrus. All you need to do is boil water, allow the tea to steep for five or six minutes and drink at least two cups for a minimum of two days. Only two days to get a poppin’ pussy? Life does not get any better than this.
Still have your doubts? Check out these Amazon reviews.
SewOverIt101: Fast delivery, great results!
Since my dear Charles passed three years ago, I have been hesitant to get back in the courting scene. However, I’ve always been a fan of a Waltz and a roll in the hay. When you’ve been a widow for this long, your beaver starts to get a little lonely which is why I’m trying to find it a six-inch companion. Finding a man at this age is hard, and I don’t want to scare anyone off when they take a stroll in my downtown streets. When Harold asked me out, I decided I needed to primp. I drank TeaKitten in the morning and before I went to bed for four days, and on the fifth day, Harold came over. He was so happy with the results that he didn’t even get mad at me for slipping him a Viagra when he wasn’t watching. I even bought a pack for my granddaughter so she can find herself a husband!
xxstillavirginSOS: My Mom Says No, But My Body Says Yessssss!
Ever since Chris and I got together, things have been great. We make out by the lockers, and he even touched my boob once under the shirt at the football game. Even my math teacher, Mr. Peterson, says we make a cute couple. Now prom is coming up which means my no-no-zone has to be in perfect condition. Chris says vaging-jongs gross him out, but how does he think I feel? I’ve been drinking TeaKitten for the last two weeks and it got to the point where my grandma asked me what perfume I was wearing. Let’s just put it this way, passionate peach was just perfect for my passionate peach ;)
Mommymilf32: Added spice to my marriage and my muffin
I’ve been married for the last 10 years. I know, right? Ten years of making love to the same carrot-top man who refuses to watch “Walking Dead” with me because it’s too “scary.” Don’t get me wrong, I love the man, but our relationship has died down so much that we consider going to Trader Joe’s an “adventure.” God forbid it gets any worse. So I did some online research and found TeaKitten. Was I a little skeptical? Well, yeah, of course. But I was so desperate to spice up our love life that I bought two boxes — one vanilla and one citrus — and prayed they would help me get laid. The taste was interesting, a very earthy feel, but I stuck with it for a few days. Long story short, my husband and I make love at least two times a month now. It’s glorious. He even said my downstairs smells like our coffee creamer. I highly recommend it if you are looking for a last resort to dust away those cobwebs!
thetabetabae: Attention all Thetas!
Oh. My. God. My long-term relationship of three weeks is finally starting to get steamy. Brian and I were ready to take the next step. When I finally told my sisters, my great aunt’s mother’s grand big suggested that I use TeaKitten to freshen up my own kitten. She was right, too; I couldn’t let Brian go around telling all his frat brothers that my downstairs didn’t taste like cherries and rainbows. So I tried it and, well, it changed my life and the life of my pretty kitty. Let’s just put it this way, after following the directions and drinking two cups, twice a day, my cockpit was feeling and smelling fly as hell. For all my fellow tea cleansers, you have to try this tea. I’m pretty sure I lost two pounds, too.