Trumpeted by the thundering waves, bellowing frat boys and wailing sirens of a Friday night in Isla Vista, the great Chancellor Yang descended upon one unworthy Nexus writer to set forth a set of rules to govern the students of UCSB.
1.) Thou shalt not covet thy roommate’s friend with benefits.
2.) Thou shalt not steal another student’s bike (even if it is a beach cruiser and thou thinketh thou art doing them a favor).
3.) Thou shalt not forgo the opportunity to yell “Fuck FT” whenever thou passes said towers.
4.) Thou shalt not walk on the bike paths.
5.) Thou shalt not invite out-of-towners on Halloween and Deltopia weekends.
6.) Thou shalt refrain from taking the end seats in Campbell Hall and sighing dramatically when people need to squeeze past thou (thou shalt also only take up thou’s designated armrest space).
7.) Thou shalt not pass up the opportunity for free food and/or scantrons.
8.) Thou shalt not make eye contact with strangers tabling at the Arbor.
9.) Thou shalt not waste Freebirds nachos when thou has made the horrible mistake of purchasing said food.
10.) Thou shalt always Gaucho back.