I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really tired of hearing about how Selena Gomez walks with her legs or that Justin Timberlake uses paper towels to dry his hands. As someone who uses deli slices to dry her hands, I say enough is enough. Here’s what it would sound like if stars really were “Just Like Us!”

1.) They wave back at people who weren’t waving at them!

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It’s okay. Play it off. Yeah, they totally think you’re just scratching your head. Nice save.

2.) They find stray hairs in their butt crack!

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It’s happened to you. It’s happened to Jen Aniston. Let’s just accept it and move on.

3.) They tell their waiters to enjoy their meal, too!

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“Oh my god. That’s so embarrassing! Do you think she heard? She totally heard. She must think I’m so stupid. Do me a favor and pretend I don’t exist.” Actual thing Tom Hanks definitely said once.

4.) They wonder, “Is there porn of that?

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And they google it every time. And there always is. And they always regret it. Do yourself a favor and never look into the Once-ler fandom.

5.) They play 12 straight hours of Animal Crossing!

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Yes, celebrities know all too well the woe that comes with catching your sixth straight sea bass. Wretched sea bass!! *shakes fist*

6.) They question the sincerity of Jaden Smith’s tweets!

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Is he kidding and hilarious? Is he completely serious? Is There Something Wrong With His Shift Key? Not even A-list celebrity status has the answers.

7.) They hope no one heard them fart while their headphones were in!

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Sometimes when Kanye’s favorite Kanye track comes on, he just loses himself in the moment and lets one rip. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it.

8.) They get their best dance moves from their dad!

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There’s a reason why I stopped calling you on your cellphone, Drake.

9.) They have conversational knowledge on the Kardashians!

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Why do we know so much about these people? Who’s in charge here? WHOM CAN I SPEAK TO ABOUT THIS?

Don’t they feel just a little more relatable now?

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