No school’s Facebook group offers as much diversity in its posts as the UCSB Free & For Sale page. If you’re getting rid of an old beach cruiser, in the market for some gently used furniture or trying to get your hands on some bulk food giveaways, this is your one-stop shop. Here we have a sample of the many quality goods and services Gauchos have to offer. (Identities of the posters have been protected due to overwhelming commercial demand.)

Homemade Goods

1. Surfboard Wax Dildo

via facebook.com

Handmade gifts are always the most precious, and at such a reasonable price, this piece of … um, sculpture, is definitely a steal.

2. Cat Butt Coaster

via facebook.com

What better way to tell your roommates to stop leaving rings on the coffee table than with a loveable, hand-stitched anus?

Specialty Services

3. I.V. Gentlemen’s Club

via facebook.com

Lucrative job opportunities like this one only come around so often.

4. Nacho Delivery

via facebook.com

Freebirds’ nachos: $12. Delivery fee: $7. Coming in clutch for a fellow Gaucho: priceless.

5. Girl Scout Cookies

via facebook.com

Requests for these addicting boxes of heaven pop up every day on Facebook, but some people are going the extra mile.

Personal Ads

6. GPA Adoption/Purchase

via facebook.com

via facebook.com

This probably falls somewhere between babysitting services and tutoring.

7. Valentine Requests

via facebook.com

via facebook.com

When Tinder’s just not cutting it, turn to the Facebook page that’s just slightly less creepy than Craigslist.

Miscellaneous

8. Super Plus Unscented Tampons

via facebook.com

Don’t you hate it when you leave your bulk pack of sanitary products at a stranger’s house? So awkward.

9. Bike (sold as is)

via facebook.com

A bit of a fixer-upper, but still a great value.

10. Parking Ticket

via facebook.com

Illegally parked car not included.