The first time I went out in Isla Vista, my older friend Annika ushered me into the Freebirds bathroom as we sauntered past. Neither of us needed to use it, but she wanted me to revel in its cleanliness, which I quickly learned to be a rarity in this town. It is not an easy task to keep a bathroom presentable when it is shared by 11 people or frequented by droves of college students. In a town where toilet paper and paper towels are a pleasant surprise on a night out, these reviews will help you choose your pit stops wisely. Sorry boys, you’re on your own.

Crushcakes

This restroom has a mirror, multiple stalls, is squeaky clean and is fully stocked with toilet paper AND seat covers … are we still in Isla Vista? After winding through the back of Crushcakes, around a few corners and past the shiny, well-maintained surfboard storage stations of the Loop, you may experience some vertigo because we’re in a different world entirely.

Woodstocks

Ahh Woodstocks bathroom, you with your glorious full-length mirror. You are spacious and welcoming. Although you sometimes lack toilet paper and seat covers during pint night, who can complain when you’re paying $2 for a brewski that has a witty name and an alcohol content of 15 percent?

Gios

The latch on the door might be broken, but that’s why your drinking partner tagged along. This bathroom has a big enough waiting area to make friends in line. And there’s a bench, how quaint! Just don’t go in before closing time or you might find yourself stuck behind Gio’s cute lil’ wrought-iron gate at 10:45 p.m.

 Freebirds

This clean Isla Vista bathroom requires a passcode, something to be thankful for or frustrated by, depending on the hour of the day. Toilet, sink, mirror, paper towels, TP — the necessities are here. However, this bathroom lacks personality. Didn’t it previously have colorful tiles and “You look fine” scrawled across the wall in place of a mirror?

 Silvergreens

The girls’ Silvie washroom is fully stocked, but the tiny mirror is of little assistance for those just scratching five feet tall. This bathroom features a state-of-the art motion sensor paper towel dispenser. It’s not working right now, but it’s the thought that counts.

 Sam’s To Go

The door hangs a bit precariously, so do your thing quickly. This bathroom boasts a floor-to-ceiling mirror on the opposing wall. Pastel tiles reminiscent of a Bill Cosby sweater decorate the walls.

 Coffee Collab

This tiny lilac room is uncomfortably close to customers sipping coffee in the main shop. If you need to eavesdrop on a conversation without being caught, step right in. Paper towels are just high enough to cause water to run down your sleeve as you reach for them. (But hey, there are paper towels). A tree branch/toilet-paper-holder and a cryptic quote written over the doorway add charm, but not cleanliness, to this space. “I am everywhere I need to be at the right time” someone scribbled. Do you need to be in this bathroom right now, Sharpie wielder? Quirky and untouchable, this bathroom’s greatest quality is that it exists.

 Dublin’s

Do I smell gas in this hallway, or is that the Kamikaze shots kicking in?

This room lacks a mirror due to, “betches looking at themselves for too long.” A large, mysterious fan beats loudly in the window. Sitting on the toilet may make you feel as if you’re shrinking like Alice in Wonderland as you wonder whether this room is absurdly large for its purpose. Either way, there’s enough space in here to change out of your apron and into your bunny suit, if that’s what you’re into. They should probably get that gas leak checked out.

 Some go out for the parties, others for the food, but Risa plans her IV escapades around the swankiest restrooms. Because some nights are just that shitty. 

Views expressed on the Opinion page do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Nexus or UCSB. Opinions are submitted primarily by students.