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Hey, It’s Just Sex!



“I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump ‘n’ grind” – R. Kelly

Have you ever been telling a story about having “relations” with someone and immediately felt judged because you are sexually active? Well, don’t worry, you are not alone!

I’m an open person, and I express my love for sex because there’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of if you’re safe! It’s okay to have sex and it’s okay to freely express yourself and your sex life (I mean only if that’s your thing and you’re comfortable with doing so). But there are people out there who judge the scandalous lives of the Isla Vista dwellers based on promiscuity, making some feel less comfortable about asking questions about having sex. But ask yourself, how does one learn without asking?

When I first met my roommates at FT, it was clear that I was — let’s put it this way — the most “experienced” of the group. And being as open as I am, all eyes were on me when it came to rehashing our weekend adventures — the good, the quick and the ugly.

Regardless of the quality, I was always open to talk sex with my friends because sex in college and during our adolescent years can be fantastic (worth talking about) or it can be downright hilarious due to the general lack of experience (perhaps even more worthy of rehashing). If you get pleasured right, you’ll want the world to know too, trust me. And if you’re getting pleasured wrong (aka, not pleasured at all), all you want to do is laugh about “That One Time When…” Basically, I always felt that talking sex gave me the opportunity to turn a terrible experience into a funny one.

Of course, there are some things one should keep to themselves, and most people know right away when that line is being crossed. For example, one of the basic rules I like to stick to is never, ever demean anyone; we all have bad sex sometimes, but that’s no excuse for talking shit. However, when it’s casual, why not discuss it with friends? I am a female, and the last thing I want to be is called a “slut” or to feel shame-faced when people realize I am not the Virgin Mary. I love who I am, and every person should; loving your sexuality is okay! Sex can be fun and pleasurable — most of the time — but if you feel ashamed to be doing it, don’t do it. Just don’t judge a person for loving their sex life, because different things work for different people.

Talking about it isn’t for everyone, but it really does help to have a person that you trust to talk about stuff. It keeps the head in balance and keeps the mind free of all of the worries that a one-night stand can bring. Sometimes, it’s as simple as needing your best friend to reassure you (even falsely) that the guy or girl from last night was a definite 10. And sometimes, your conversations can delve as deep as exploring your sexuality further, or talking out any problems that have arisen in the bedroom with a third party.

Essentially, being able to talk about sex with someone can not only give you peace of mind, but can also give you insight into expanding your sexual horizons. Communication is key, so stop let’s judging and start conversing.

Wendy Doer wants to talk about sex, baaaaby.

A version of this article appeared in the Wednesday, April 9, 2014 print edition of the Daily Nexus.
Views expressed on the Opinion page do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Nexus or UCSB. Opinions are primarily submitted by students.
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