The first time it happened, I was walking home from DP with the guy I wanted to sleep with that night. Randomly, we passed by one of my regulars — another cutie with a taste for fucking outside the box. Collectively, we all decided to go home together, only to meet a horny frat boy claiming that he was “straight,” but had always wanted to try something different. We excitedly made our way to my house, ran past my roommates and locked the door to my room … the rest was history — an experience that changed my views on sex and opened me up, quite literally, to new levels of sexual pleasure.
Let’s face it: when it comes to sex, variety is the spice of life. Often, being with the same partner — intimately or sexually — can leave one feeling bored and ultimately craving more. Too much vanilla, chocolate or any flavor, for that matter, often fosters a thirst that can only be quenched by a multi-flavored swirl … a rainbow sherbet of sorts. But enough beating around the bush. What I’m talking about today is the dirty, raunchy, fun and taboo art of group sex.
Many of you may be thinking, “My sex life is great, why try group sex?” or “If I love my partner, why would I want to include a third or even fourth person to my sex life?” My response: group sex isn’t something that people do just out of boredom or sexual frustration; rather it is often a great way to find out more about your partner and yourself. That third girl might find an erogenous zone you didn’t know existed, and that other guy might find a position that better works with your G-spot. In fact, you might even learn new things about your sexuality that you were too afraid to explore in the past. I’m a gay man, but my first sexual experience with a girl happened during a foursome and since then, I’ve learned that there are some aspects of the female body that I actually find attractive and even erotic. As such, today we’re going to talk about group sex, because everyone should at least give it some thought.
Sex with multiple partners has a very unique dynamic, one which is entirely unlike one-on-one sex. Intimacy is definitely harder to create, but eroticism is heavily underscored — it’s much harder to be bored when multiple partners are giving you pleasure. Initiating group sex requires lots of communication. If you have a regular or serious partner, you should always let them know that you’re interested in bringing other people into bedroom before the night begins. Sometimes this pre-sex communication is unnecessary, but that is almost always because the three-way or fourgy is completely spontaneous, probably as a result of drunken hookups with various partners.
The most common questions I get asked regarding group sex are “how many partners are usually involved?” and “who does what?” In the gay world, the possibilities in terms of the number of partners are essentially endless, because men can line up. Usually, though, the guy in front is a sole bottom, those in the middle go versatile and penetrate whilst being penetrated, and the caboose of the sexy soul train tops while keeping the rhythm of the rest of the group going. In straight world, three-ways most commonly involve two girls and one guy — a consequence of sociocultural norms — but can also involve two guys and one girl if the men are only “straight.” With two guys, the threesome often takes a trip to France, a ménage à trois in which the girl is penetrated by one guy and gives oral to the other. The resulting group resembles the Eiffel Tower. Alternatively, it’s possible for the girl to get penetrated both vaginally and anally, although this is often difficult to do, as rhythm between the partners is hard to keep. A solution? Have the guys utilize the same hole … when we’re talking about group sex, DP isn’t just that street you party on, but also a fun position reserved mainly for the sexually experienced. Gays: DP on DP is an option for you too, but don’t forget to use lots of lubricant, as the possibility for condom failure is high when trying this.
On another note, threesomes made up of two girls and one guy almost always involve penetration of the girls separately, but if the sex is planned, sex toys such as dildos and vibrators are an easy and effective way to make sure that both women are receiving adequate pleasure over the course of the entire experience. In group sex, it is also important to make sure that all partners are completely comfortable at all times … in the heat of it all, it is easy to neglect one person temporarily in the wake of erotic moments with another, so make sure that everyone is happy by reading body language and seeing to it that no individual is shut out or untouched at any time. Even though threesomes seem to be the most common form of group sex, one way to make sure that no one gets neglected is to follow the rule of two: sex in even-numbered groups. By doing this, you ensure that everyone will have a partner throughout the experience and no one is left out or leaves without orgasm.
Ultimately, group sex is an awesome way to jazz up your sex life, learn new things about your partner and even yourself. Whether it’s planned or it happens spontaneously, I can tell you from personal experience that sex with multiple partners is guaranteed to make for some of the most interesting, enjoyable and altogether amazing sexcapades possible. “The More the Merrier” is a saying that applies to lots of things, and your sex life, above all, should be one of them.
Matt Togni is surprised that his roommates still choose to live with him year after year.
A version of this article appeared in the Wednesday, February 19, 2014 print edition of the Daily Nexus.
Views expressed on the Opinion page do not necessarily reflect those of the Daily Nexus or UCSB. Opinions are primarily submitted by students.