I was at a party the other night with a group of young women and, as it often does, the topic of sex came up. I always find it amusing when this happens as, in groups of women of all ages, everyone gets strangely excited. They do so because it means that, for a small period of time, the bullshit societal taboo that doesn’t let woman have a say when it comes to sex is lifted and shit can actually get real. I feel these discussions are important because, for a lot of women, it is through these conversations that the knowledge of all the magical things that sex can bring is passed on and the forum is provided for discussion of sexual worries and fears — which explains why I get annoyed when in this forum certain women still refuse to be honest about their own sexual experiences. Now don’t get me wrong: I’m sure there are some women in the world whose sex lives are that awesome and fulfilling, banging-the-headboard-24-hours-a-day, multi-orgasmic, never-need-to-lift-a-finger, don’t-know-what-a-queef-is, greatness. I’m guessing it’s not that many, though, and that those who participate in such greatness would want to share their secrets rather than shame women with less-perfect sex lives.
So why do some women keep posturing, when their ego issues are clearly getting in the way of what could be a really juicy female knowledge sesh? It’s counter-productive and just perpetuates the idea that if you don’t get sex “right” the first time, then you’re just not meant to enjoy it. That said, I usually find that bulwark comes tumbling down with a slight push. Like, all it takes is for one woman to share a humanizing detail or query and the rest drop pretense and some real talk can go down. Other times, it’s harder. For any people who can’t get any real talk out of their peers, here are a few nuggets of advice: very little in life is achieved by putting in no effort yourself, honest and open communication is key, a little lube goes a long way and never forget to be safe. Now enjoy yourselves!
Naomi Rea is so over this bulwark bullshit! (Opinion is trying to incorporate “bulwark” into their everyday vocabularies … they suggest that you do,too.)