Before anything and everything else, when you get out there this Halloween, be smart and air on the side of sober. BE SAFE! Halloween is not the time to beat your personal record for longest handle-pull. Watch out for your friends and watch out for yourself.
If you, like me, are a senior, you’re probably pretty fucking over Halloween by now. “I have to come up with a costume that’s simultaneously creative and skimpy? I have to move my car? Da fuq is up with the noise ordinance? I have to walk outside in the cold? What if it rains?” Yeah, raise your hand if you remember freshman year! Now take that same hand and smack yourself in the face out of embarrassment now that you remember taking all of those rain-drenched selfies when you got back to the dorms…
So yeah, nope! Officially not going out there this year (downtown doesn’t count). Instead, I’ve come up with a solution that embraces the madness while combining my two favorite senior year activities: drinking and judging others. It’s “I Spy, I.V.-Halloween-drinking-game edition.”
Here’s how you play: first, grab your housemates, some beer and a bottle of your alcohol of choice. By now, it’s probably very specific, due to too many nights of “overindulging” on just about everything (don’t even say the words “raspberry Smirnoff” around me if you know what’s good for you). Next, get comfy on that nasty couch up on your DP balcony and prepare yourself for the unofficial parade. Now, we spy. Pick any five of the following categories and let the games begin!
Miley Cyrus – 1 drink
Robin Thicke – 1 drink
Miley and Robin together – Try to suppress your eye roll long enough to take 2 drinks
Kim Kardashian – 1 drink
Kim Kardashian at the Met Ball – 1 shot. Too much floral print, man.
Kanye West – 1 drink
Kim and Kanye together – 2 drinks
Any couples costumes at all, really – 2 drinks
Despicable Me minion – 1 drink
Where’s Waldo – 1 shot, because of the irony
Gatsby characters/flappers – 1 drink, old sport
A nerd, a princess, or a witch – 1 drink (thanks to all the original costumes out there…)
Any “Breaking Bad” character – 1 drink and 1 hit of crystal (if you want to, you know, die)
Anyone from the “Orange is the New Black” cast – 1 drink
Anyone cross-dressing – 1 drink
Anyone from the “Duck Dynasty” cast – 1 Full beer. Time to shotgun!
Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team – 1 drink. Bonus points if it’s scotch!
Someone pukes – 1 drink … but then take this opportunity to gauge how drunk you are … not about to puke? Thatta baby. You’re good to keep playing.
Someone holding an open container – 1 shot in honor of that out-of-towner’s bravado
Cop on a horse – 1 drink
Someone getting arrested – Finish your beer in honor of the fallen soldier
Anyone dressed as a Gaucho, Storke Tower, Chancellor Yang, or anything else UCSB related – take a pull from your bottle. Throw some tortillas.
The actual Chancellor Yang – Finish your beer. Open another. Finish that one too. Chase him down. Secure a new profile picture.
You can also continue the game with a nice fresh Andre and Sunny D. mimosa the next morning. I guarantee that you’ll end up drinking more than you might think. But if you think you see Chancellor Yang walk-of-shaming home, please don’t finish your drink; you’ve probably had enough.
Or, if you are one of the motivated few who are throwing a party at your house, turn the tables on your guests and make them drink … anyone in any of the above costumes definitely deserves it.
But if you’re not going to a party, don’t have any friends on DP or just had enough to drink already, you can always take this game on the move and substitute drinks for points. Just know that you’ve kind of defeated the purpose, and like “Whose Line,” those points don’t really mean shit. However, you special few will get the privilege of dealing with a multitude of lazy, despondent seniors out on our balconies jeering at you. And for that, you’re welcome.
Allyson C. will be on her balcony dressed up as Margot Tenenbaum, cradling a bottle of Jack Daniels. +1,000 points to you if you spot her, -1,000 if you harass her about how dumb this game is.