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I have let you down, but I want to try to make it up to you by addressing my awareness and understanding of the issue at hand. I have unintentionally contributed to the social isolation of a community of my brothers and sisters, and for that I am greatly sorry. My job is to represent each individual, sexual body and open doors of comfort to all; yet I have ignored the fact that my column is inherently heterosexual, and therefore, biased.
[media-credit id=20122 align="alignleft" width="250"][/media-credit]Since kissing a girl and liking it is not enough to qualify me as a source for perspective on the desires, urges, fears and feelings of those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer, I want to instead dedicate this week’s piece to those whose lust and passion for the sexual is silenced by heterosexual ideologies and prejudice. We talk about “the media” controlling our minds and holding us to unreasonable standards, making the world a difficult place to feel comfortable in our own skin. Well, I suppose I’m now realizing that I am part of the media, and these things need to be said. I don’t care if you’re sick of hearing the same speech about gay rights or tired of the rallies and the legislation. I’m going to say it again.
I want you to imagine fucking something you don’t want to fuck, kissing someone hard on the mouth when it doesn’t feel right, having the wrong organ pumping into your body or entering someone who makes you feel unnatural, feeling like two bodies in entirely different universes trying to achieve some kind of connection when you should be one. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it, and it’s not fair.
I write about sex because I believe it is one of the most beautiful encounters two (or more) people can have. It’s beautiful in Egyptian cotton sheets and it’s beautiful on the bathroom floor. I am passionate about helping others enjoy sex as much as possible, but knowing that so many feel forced to hide who they are and engage in intercourse that makes them feel broken breaks my heart.
If you don’t believe that gays should be afforded the same basic rights as every other citizen, then I probably won’t be the one to change your mind. But you cannot deny that gays are sexual beings with the same personal desires to feel and give pleasure as every other citizen. If it “grosses you out” to watch two men lock lips, you need to evolve — you are of a dying species of closed-minded haters and it’s time to sack up. Don’t make the choice to shame people for who they are.
I want to invite those of you who don’t identify as heterosexual to find those topics I address that are related to the human condition, and apply them to your own sexual encounters. I can tell you right now that inner kinks and fetishes, cluelessness about bringing your partner to orgasm, uncomfortable party flirting, mornings after, you name it, are all true whether you’re gay or straight.
Often in life, it’s what you don’t say that hurts, but I would never purposefully try to exclude anyone. I mean, I’m probably never going to be able to give advice on eating pussy, whether it’s a man or a woman between that pair of legs. There are things I talk about that I have never even tried but seek counsel on from others who have. If you can’t find the advice you need from a sex column like this, I encourage you to do the same.
However contradictory it may sound, I regret to say that next week, I’ll probably go back to talking about why boys like boobs and why girls love dick, as it’s all I know. It’s part of my story, and I can’t pretend that I understand what it would feel like to desire a woman the same way I desire a man. I can only wait for the day that UCSB gets the chance to have a nonheterosexual Wednesday Hump-ist.
The most fundamental advice I can offer about sex is to simply listen to yourself. Know what you want and what feels good, and ask for it. If you do that, you’ll never have the chance to regret a sexual experience. You deserve to feel good about who you’re sleeping with, so just be with who you want to be with and let yourself go.