Aristotle once said, “Friendship is a single soul dwelling in
two bodies.” A poetic, moving assessment, but I have to wonder:
Did Aristotle ever decide to fuck one of these friends he
was renting half of his soul out to? Because homie-to-homie
penetration is really more than just one penis dwelling in two
bodies. Let’s be real here — fuck buddies are a fun concept for
a Judd Apatow flick, but railing your friends is not the cure
for a lonely and horny heart. Keep the booty calls to acquaintances
and you’ll be fine, but bend over for a bestie and you’ll
be getting fucked in more than one way.
If a beneficial friendship is a means of enrichment and
support, why is it that having friends with benefits turns comfort
into complication? And what are these new and exciting
“benefits” I’m getting from my friends? Are loyalty a[media-credit name=”KIKI NIEBHUR” align=”alignright” width=”228″][/media-credit]nd amity
no longer enough? Must we have our friends and eat them out
too?
It’s a grey area, a sexual limbo of sorts. If he’s having a bad
day, you’re not sure if you should give him a hug or head. And
if it’s that time of the month, you don’t know whether to lend
her some Advil or ask her if she’s down anyway. It’s a danger
zone, people, and it ain’t easy getting out of it.
The alleged “benefit” of having a friend with benefits is
sexual stimulation and release without the responsibilities of
an emotional relationship — which generally implies sacrifice
of self, commitment, emotional exchange and of course,
monogamy. You may be thinking: “I can get my dick wet with
someone I like hanging out with, no attachment necessary?
What’s the catch?” Answer: Contrary to the popular belief
that you have a cock for a brain, you’re a human with feelings.
Sorry to pop your “I’m so strong I can fuck like a primal beast
programmed to inseminate without attachment” cherry, but
with coitus comes closeness. No ifs, ands or best friends’ butts
about it.
So what are we so afraid of that we opt for the nearest
physical contact over a committed relationship? Well, let’s look
at what a relationship entails: couple-y activities, pillow talk,
family functions, calling the morning after, stress, making
plans for the future, moving into the out-loud farting zone, oh
dear this sounds horrible. Okay, okay; you win. Pal pooning
definitely takes the prize. Just do me a favor and be cautious
of which homedogs you’re dogging.
Bottom line, if you are comfortable enough to consider
someone a good friend, then you are vulnerable enough
around them to give in emotionally. This is not to say that
beautiful, healthy relationships can’t form out of friendships.
On the contrary, they do all the time. My point is in the distinction
between building a sexual relationship and fucking.
You can date a buddy you have sex with, but it just doesn’t
work with a fuck buddy. See the difference?
Having a secret crush on someone you’re already sleeping
with is dangerous territory. It’s like craving your favorite food
while you’re chewing it — seriously confusing. It doesn’t take
a Facebook update to know that if it feels complicated, it’s
complicated, even if “casually fucking my friend” isn’t a relationship
status as of yet.
So why fuel the friendly fling fire? Two options: This
person either secretly loves you and wants to use sexual intimacy
as a crutch on the way to something more serious, or is
a commitment-phobe and wants to use your body as a hollow
shell to fuck his/her problems away. Do yourself a favor and
step away from the insecure trap of loneliness and draw the
line between people you hang with and people you bang with.
My advice: Become friends with the people you fuck, not
the other way around. And to all of you strangers out there
who have “friended” me, take note on where I stand.