After all the votes had been read, one candidate stood above all the rest: Six-Inch Subway Sandwich for EIC.
Yet last Friday, three days after Six-Inch’s hard-fought victory in the staff elections, the UCSB Press Council selected Elliott “Baby” Rosenfeld as the new editor in chief of the Daily Nexus. Baby, a third-year political science major and self-professed “gnar” surfer, has replaced the exiled Mackenzie Weinger as the publication’s top editor and liaison to the community.
Baby’s editorship, still in its infant stages, has been nothing but marred by the controversy, however, over the recent staff elections.
“It makes me question things. It makes me wonder if the election was, in fact, tampered with,” Lexi “Hookworm” Pandell, former assistant county editor who worked her “magic” and was promoted to managing editor, said. “I think Subway is the rightful EIC.”
However, Weinger, a graduating history major (the best ever?) who often has wet dreams about leading military coups, was adamant that Baby had won.
“I can say, in all my wisdom, that Subway did not beat Elliot Rosenfeld,” Weinger said. “The votes were counted incorrectly; Baby actually won.”
But despite all her wisdom, Weinger could not determine whether it was a good thing that Baby had won.
“I expect he won’t run the paper into the ground,” she said after a painfully long pause.
This reporter caught up with Baby just as he was entering his new office to get his side of the story (as reporters are apt to do).
“There was some discrepancy,” Baby said. “There are some supporters of Sandwich still out there, I suspect, but I’ll keep them in line, rack a bunch of lines.”
Despite her public support of Sandwich, Hookworm expressed tempered optimism for Baby’s reign.
“Elliott has done it all,” Hookworm said. “As long as he hasn’t killed too many brain cells, he’ll do all right. And worst-case scenario, Subway takes over and we’ll all be better off.”
Not everyone has been so critical, however. UCSB Communications Director Jerry Roberts, who oversees the paper’s finances and does other important stuff, was much more supportive of Baby.
“I think Elliott has a number of unique qualities which give him at least a very slim chance of success,” said Roberts, who worked as the editor of several shoddy newspapers, including the San Francisco Chronicle, before landing his dream job at the Nexus.
Other staff members were simply at a loss for words.
“Everything I want to say is too sexual to put in print,” University Editor Maane “Mo’ Problems” Khatchatourian, who worked beneath Baby last year as his assistant, said. “You could say he’s my hero.”
And then there is David Ferry, the former EIC best known for temporarily doing away with the Friday edition of the paper, who just seemed confused.
“What? Who the fuck is Elliott Rosenfeld? ”