Birthday Blues

Thur., Feb. 25, 1:46 a.m. — An especially intoxicated man stumbled out the front door of Freebirds, catching the attention of nearby officers.

It was not, however, the first time that night the deputies had seen the young man, who was being held up by three of his friends. Two hours earlier, the boozed burrito-buyer had nearly eaten shit right in front of the officers, not a block from Freebirds.

At that time, the inebriated man was all alone. He told the officers it was his 21st birthday, which his ID confirmed, and they allowed him to call for a sober escort. When Jesus, his friend and savior, arrived minutes later, the deputies told him to take his legally drunk friend straight home.

When the officers later spotted the blacked-out birthday boy outside Freebirds, he was even more intoxicated. The officers asked why he wasn’t at home, and he told them that he was still trying to find his way.

His birthday nearly two hours past, the deputies felt no remorse in leading the 21-year-old to a bed… at the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.

Where’s Amy?

Sat., Feb. 27, 1:50 a.m. — Deputies working the late shift were called to the 6600 block of Trigo Road on reports that someone was disturbing the peace.

When the officers arrived, they spotted a young man pounding on the door of the apartment screaming to see “Amy Kim.” So fervent was the man in his quest to find Amy that he was, remarkably, foaming from the mouth.

Even after the officers contacted the 20-year-old, he refused to stop screaming. In an attempt to diffuse the situation, one of the deputies knocked on the door and asked the residents if they knew where Amy was. The slightly frightened tenants informed the deputy they had never heard of Amy Kim before.

However, this new piece of information did not persuade the ranting drunk, who accused the apartment dwellers of hiding his precious Amy.

Seeing no way to convince him otherwise, the deputies did what they do best: arrested him. They later transferred the dry-mouthed drunk to the Santa Barbara County Jail, where he was housed, pending sobriety.